Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Happy at Last

I wake up feeling light and easy today. I slept early and in turn woke up early. These days, my mornings are rather sunnier and lighter than the usual. I know precisely the reason why. Just this week, I finally told my Pinay boss about my intention of leaving the company. She took it calmly and rather quickly. She inquired about my job prospects and told her there is one I was seriously considering and left it at that. She didn't even bother to hold me back, perhaps she did not really see a need to do so.

I wouldn't say I was happy with her reaction, but I was certainly relieved. This is the second time I would be filing my resignation for this company and this time there would be no going back. I have been tormented for months by the nature of my job. I usually woke up feeling heavy, even if there is bright sunshine outside, and would delay going to work, finding time to fix the littlest and most trivial of things in the house and then finally leave just a couple of minutes before being actually late in the office.

Leaving is always difficult for me. I always leave only when I feel that my head is barely above water and couldn't breathe any longer. It's like being in a quicksand, I wait and wait for the surface to envelop me, not daring to move even when the mud is already way beyond my waist. I just dont know how to quit. In my head, the alarm signal goes off, triggering a sense of panic and alarm in my system but I dare not move. Or rather, I am moved to catatonia. So I stay there, immobilized in my spot only to let out a yell once I am certain that I have no other choice but to move out.

So this time I finally worked up the courage to say that I am quitting when I knew there was no other way but out. My dark cloud has parted and I feel a heavy burden lifted off my shoulders. I am finally free at last. The quagmire I unwittingly led myself into has now transformed into a solid ground. I can finally walk and breathe sunshine and fresh air again with a happy smile pasted on my face. I am happy at last.

1 comment:

Les said...

congratulations! you did a truly courageous thing. i am so happy for you. good luck next year. sana matuloy 'yung graduate school plans mo... :)