Textualities

Words and Signs

2009-12-07T20:51:00.000-08:00

It was Saussure who said
that words and signs are not
always one.

Random is their relationship
as he had it defined.
A word is what it is by being
what it is not.

Just as the word
man is by being what
it is not—woman.

But it is this world of
construct that we are
born into.

We have to relate to
each other using
our words and our signs.

These words and signs
that mean what they mean
and mean what they do not mean.

In this imperfect world,
I have to relate to you.
To say what I want to say
only to say what I do not want to say.

I have no other choice
than to be this:

Born in this imperfect world,
using these imperfect words and signs,
I cannot help but be
who I am
by not being you.

And not be who
I am by being
who I really am.

MRG

Discovering Sharon Olds

2009-12-07T20:33:00.000-08:00

True Love
by Sharon Olds

In the middle of the night, when we get up
after making love, we look at each other in
complete friendship, we know so fully
what the other has been doing. Bound to each other
like mountaineers coming down from a mountain,
bound with the tie of the delivery room,
we wander down the hall to the bathroom, I can
hardly walk, I wobble through the granular
shadowless air, I know where you are
with my eyes closed, we are bound to each other
with huge invisible threads, our sexes
muted, exhausted, crushed, the whole
body a sex—surely this
is the most blessed time of my life,
our children asleep in their beds, each fate
like a vein of abiding mineral
not discovered yet. I sit
on the toilet in the night, you are somewhere in the room,
I open the window and snow has fallen in a
steep drift, against the pane, I
look up, into it,
a wall of cold crystals, silent
and glistening, I quietly call to you
and you come and hold my hand and I say
I cannot see beyond it. I cannot see beyond it.

podcast
Sharon Olds: 2003, from LITTORAL: the journal of the Key West Literary Seminar

2009-11-08T19:01:00.001-08:00

podcast
Sharon Olds: 2003, from LITTORAL: the journal of the Key West Literary Seminar

Posted using ShareThis

Just When You Thought You've Heard it All

2009-04-21T20:45:00.000-07:00

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For the latest Philippine news stories and videos, visit GMANews.TV"

I read this article today at PDI. here

Take your pick. How do you think ICRC Swiss kidnap victim Andreas Notter got away from the dreaded Abu Sayyaf's viselike grip?

A. He was rescued.
B. He escaped.
C. He paid (or his negotiators) ransom.
D. He followed the stars to escape.

Military officials and Senator Richard Gordons, current Philippine national Red Cross Chair, at first couldn't give a common answer. The AFP says Notter escaped, but was able to do so because of the military pressure applied against the Abu Sayyaf. Gordon, on the other hand, claim that he was simply released, without any aid from the military whatsoever.

But now, Notter's official answer is---you wouldn't believe this-D! Notter, before leaving the country, left a text message wherein he basically said that he "escaped captivity in the jungle by following the star." Richard Gordon seems to buy this theory by adding that, "“He (Notter) knows how to navigate by the stars. He knows where the North, South, East and West were. So he followed that until he came to the road.”

Unbelievable! After 3 months in captivity and intense military offensive against the Abu Sayyaf, Nottter escaped unharmed by simply following the star's direction. At the moment, only one kidnapped victim is left in the terrorist group's hand, Italian Eugenio Vagni. Prior to all of this, a Filipina ICRC was freed after much negotiation and grumbling between the military, government officials, Gordon, Muslim leaders and the Abu Sayyaf. The Abu Sayyaf kept on giving a deadline and a beheading schedule for its victims, but never pushed through with its threat. As usual, the government's official mantra in these scenario is that no money was ever involved in their release as it strictly adheres to the "no ransom policy." But of course, people always speculate and know otherwise.

I could only pray that the last kidnap victim Vagni gets released soon. Accordingly, he has several medical conditions which need appropriate treatment. I doubt it if he could last more than a year of captivity like the Burnhams. And once he gets released, I really wouldn't be surprised anymore if Vagni's rationale for his escape is that he followed the cows or something. So his official statement would go something like this: "It was dark and I somehow lost my captors. By dawn I saw a herd of cattle and quickly followed their direction. It lead me to a quiet town. I walked several kilometers before I saw police station. I told them who I was and they brought me to the city's official. I was just lucky, I guess."

Where You Will Find Me

2008-11-02T22:06:00.001-08:00

If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow,
Why, oh, why can't I? (video lifted from Jet David's blog)

How to Settle a Divorce

2008-10-14T18:51:00.000-07:00

What to do when your husband asks for a divorce and wants to split your assets in two? If your wealth is mainly in terms of bank accounts, bonds and stock shares, it might be a bit difficult to split these shared assets without the attendant legal complications. But if your conjugal property consists solely of one standing house you both lived in for the past 18 years or so together, then the problem might not be that complicated. Solution? Follow this Cambodian couple's way out of a messy divorce. Simply split your house in half.

The husband, together with the help of his relatives, literally chopped off and carved out his share of their house. He took his allocated bits and pieces of the house to his parent's neighboring house, where he now "happily" resides. The wife stayed on her remaining share of the house, which so far, still remains precariously standing. Problem solved. A happy ending, indeed.

My Baby is Now Three!

2008-08-22T00:18:00.000-07:00

Smug and happy to be three.

JK turned three last 11 Aug.

Blowin her birthday cake.

I can't believe my precious baby is now three years old. It wasn't such a long time ago when I held and cuddled her tiny frame in my arms. Now, she prefers to run and wriggle her out way of my hold. She can now choose to refuse my hugs, as she sometimes does, but she can now willfully kiss me, which she does even my without bidding. Moreover, at three, she now argues and reasons to get things to go her way, and sings and dances her heart out. My only wish for her is that she grows up with a passion for something. Whether she ends up as doctor, lawyer, philosophy professor is not as important as having a passion for something greater than herself. I do hope she grows up to become a joy to the world as much as she is now a joy to her family, and most especially, me.

8-8-08

2008-08-10T20:34:00.000-07:00

2008 Beijing Olympics

At exactly 8:08 pm, China opened the 2008 Summer Olympics in its capital, Beijing. The show which lasted for three hours featured exactly 2,008 number of classical drummers at one point. I had wanted to catch the RP delegation walking at the newly-built Bird's Nest or Chinese National Stadium, with Pacquiao in tow bearing the national flag, but because had China arranged the countries in order of the Chinese phonetic alphabet, I wasn't able to do. The country listings were jumbled, and countries starting with letter A were suddenly followed with countries starting with letter P, and B to G and so forth. I couldn't really tell when the RP's turn would come next, unless of course I stay glued for show's entire duration. Which I didn't.

But what ever little I saw is enough for me to say that the Chinese opening ceremony was amazing. Others have said that it might even be the best ever. As for me, I liked the visual because it wasn't overboard, it was just perfect. It was creatively beautiful, and you could tell the Chinese exhausted a lot of brain cells conceptualizing the whole spectacle. I think that with this event, China has successfully relayed its underlying political message for the world to see, "We are a new force to reckon with." Indeed, China's slumbering dragon has now fully awakened. With a 1.3 billion strong people and an emerging economy, China is predicted to be another superpower in the very near future.

I'm hoping we win our first-ever Olympic gold this year. The government has promised at least Php 15M in prize money plus a brand new car to any of the 15 Filipino athletes who could bring home the gold. I hope somebody gets to drive a brand new car once the Games are over, and of course with surging oil prices, that cold cash would certainly come in handy. ; )

Way the Go Paris!

2008-08-06T21:53:00.000-07:00

Paris Hilton's rebuttal campaign video against Republican presidential candidate Sen. John McCain is over the top hilarious! Whoever wrote and thought about the Paris' campaign ad is a genius! The short video clip, which I linked above, shows a scantily dressed 'hot' Paris sitting in a beach chair reading a travel magazine and giving her views on how to solve the current global oil crises. She gives an intellectually acute advice on how to resolve this major issue, combining both the strong points of McCain's and Obama's stand on it rather accurately. Then she retorts, "See you at the debates, bitches." She further states that she is capable of leading America, and that if she gets elected she intends to paint the White House pink and make Rihanna as her VP. This video is side-splitting! Watch it.

The US$14 Million Baby Pics

2008-08-05T23:38:00.000-07:00

Helen's face may have launched a thousand ships but I bet those ships' worth are nowhere near the amount People magazine paid to have these pictures taken. The three-week old Jolie-Pitt babies' pictures are worth US 14 million dollars! Roughly estimated to Philippine peso, it amounts to 616 million! That's twice the take home pay of Manny Pacquiao in a single Las Vegas boxing fight. But all of that money will not go to the already bulging coffers of the A-list Hollywood couple Angelina and Brad, otherwise known as Brangelina. The perfect-looking do-gooders will donate the money to their foundation which is committed to helping other less fortunate children the world over. Moreso, I read in one article that Brad gave away hundreds of stuffed toys to the children confined in the same hospital where Angelina stayed in. What a guy! I love this couple. I'm crossing my fingers, I hope they stay together forever.

The Brangelina boy and girl fraternal twins. Two little angels. They must be so proud.

Viv and Knox (Vivienne Marcheline and Knox Leon, named after Angie's mother and Brad's grandfather, respectively.)

Blond-haired Shiloh. So cute.

The Jolie-Pitt clan. 6 kids all in all. 3 biological, 3 adopted. 3 boys, 3 girls. Must be some household.

For more of their family picture, click the link below.

here

What is Happiness?

2008-07-30T18:37:00.000-07:00

Happiness is...

A warm caress

and a cold yummy treat!

Ohh, I just love it!

Helen

2008-07-15T19:43:00.001-07:00

A storm named Helen.

The rain is at it again. For three straight days in a row, it has been raining steadily in the metropolis. The gloomy weather is exacerbating my equally gloomy, if not gloomier, disposition. The clear evidence of which is that, I have stopped reading books for almost a month now. The books are piling up, but I seem to have lost the passion to pick them up. I would normally read two books at at a time, but for the longest time now, I don't have the energy to read. Something is amiss.

I hope the sun comes back this week. I need that 'sun-shiny' feeling again.

Proud Mom

2008-07-14T23:17:00.000-07:00

JK's sweetest smile.

My pride and joy will soon turn three. My once sweet cherub is now a fast-talking, argumentative, but thoughtful pre-schooler. All of her babyness is now gone. My only consolation is that her smile is still the same. She still has the same angelic smile, a smile that radiates an unblemished happiness from within, a smile that comes from the depths of her being. I hope she doesn't lose this ever.

So Funny

2008-07-11T00:26:00.001-07:00

Jim Carrey and girlfriend Jenny McCarthy

Jim Carrey is so funny. He shows his toned bod by wearing his girlfriend's swimsuit. Who says guys should wear the pants all of time? Why choose the pants when you can wear one of these?

LOL.

A Love Poem by Neruda

2008-07-03T01:56:00.000-07:00

Stan Rice's Red Tulip

The highest form of literature is poetry. Poetry's language is exact, precise, lyrical, and never superfluous. Though I couldn't really write a poem, and have never really tried doing one to be honest, I do know how to appreciate a great poem when I see one.

Just saw this Neruda poem this afternoon, and couldn't help reciting it.

I just love it.

Sonnet XVII

by Pablo Neruda

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

Force Majeure

2008-06-22T22:39:00.000-07:00

Typhoon Frank.

More than 800 people still missing and feared dead from the ill-fated ship, MV Princess of the Stars. This is apart from the 598 estimated dead or missing all over the country, out of which is the 143 confirmed dead and over 100 missing in my province of Iloilo alone.

Typhoon Frank is a force majeure alright, an act of God for better or for worse. Still, the sinking of the ship is something that could have been and should have been averted. De Quiros was right, the typhoon was a natural disaster but the sinking of the ship was an unnatural man-made disaster.

PGMA is now receiving condolences from US President Bush when she should be here directing orders on how to speed up the process for the recovery and search of possible survivors. Where is she when her country needs her most? She is in the US of A and is scheduled to hobnob with the Washington elites, including potential new US president, Republican John McCain and Democrat Barack Obama. While she wines and dines there together with her entourage of 59 congressmen, one senator, 10 cabinet members, excluding her family members and the family members of her group, the Visayan region, Iloilo in particular, is battling mud and loss of properties, crops and ultimately income in the wake of the disastrous storm.

The Typhoon Frank lashed out its fury in almost the entire country. From central Philippines, it made its presence felt both in Visayas and Mindanao. Not contented, it hit Manila and neighboring Luzon provinces before finally going out of the Philippine territory. This is the first time ever that a storm displayed a deadly magnitude that reached all three geographical regions of the country. Typically, storms just hit one portion of the country and affect neighboring provinces, but the other regions are mostly spared of its fury. Storms that hit the Visayas region are normally not felt in Manila. But this storm is different because after taking its toll on Iloilo and dumping heavy rains in some parts of Mindanao, it changed its course and rampaged Manila and other Luzon provinces as well. It was everywhere.

This event really makes you realize how deadly climate change can get. We need to accept that doing our share in saving Mother Earth is now a necessity and a not a matter of choice. Ours is a dying planet and if we do not act now, we will die with it. Storms as strong and even stronger than that of Frank will soon become a reality of our daily life.

I heard from some relatives in my hometown of Janiuay, Iloilo that it is the first time their place was ravaged by a flash flood. It was all so sudden and unexpected, they say. As a result, critical bridges were destroyed, and those living near the river were caught unaware by the onslaught of the raging water that some even lost their lives. This also happens to be the first time ever that my rural, sleepy and verdant hometown, the place where I could trace my roots and see hundreds of people bearing my maiden name, made news on national TV. Unfortunately, it was because my town was among the hardest hit of the disaster.

I fully well know the impact of such a storm in my townsfolk livelihood. Just this early June, when I went there for a family event, I saw the early rice seedlings already sprouting from the ground. If nonstop rain brought about by a massive storm flood the ricefield, all that hardwork and capital will go to waste. The farmers, the simple folks in my dirt town baranggay, with faces always ready with their genuine smiles, will scrimp and save and still go hungry for the remainder of the year.

Such is the hard fact of life in the province. You toil the land and hope and pray that no storm or other natural disaster comes your way. And if it does, you just do this process all over again. Yet, this they do happily and contentedly. Surrounded by the riches and beauty of the farmland, they spend most of their time communing with nature, and harvesting and partaking of its seemingly inexhaustible bounty. Regardless of their poverty, they live simple and happy lives.

One day, when I am gray and old, I will spend the remainder of my days in this farmland. And when that day comes, I too, will be able to enjoy the simple and happy life that they have on a daily basis.

Relief

2008-06-17T21:56:00.000-07:00

Looking very harassed.

Free at Last

Ces Orena Drilon, the usually polished and sophiscticated ABS CBN news anchor, looks very harassed in this photo. Who wouldn't be? After nine days of captivity in the deep jungles of Sulu, with Abu Sayyaf bandits threatening to behead you unless your family chokes up PHP15M in ransom, I would look worse than that. Thank God, they got out of this ordeal alive.

Prayers work, indeed.

I really like Ces Crilon. I often watch the late night news and marvel at her poise, intelligence and wit on camera. I remember her undaunted coverage of the Peninsula Coup and how she managed to keep her composure despite the unexpected turn of events. She is a tour de force.

Admittedly though, Ces says it was her own brazenness that put her and cameraman colleagues in harm's way. Her unrelenting pursuit of the hottest story almost costed her her life. Now, she says she values her life more and knows what is truly important is her loved ones and family.

Ayoko ng TAX!

Yesterday, 18 Jun, PGMA signed into law Republic Act No. 9504 or the tax relief act. This law exempts minimum income wage earner from paying income taxes, which amounts to a couple a hundred bucks of savings every payday.

This law also increases tax exemption to Php50k regardless of the person's civil status. Where before, married and head of families earners usually had a bigger tax exemption and as such bigger take home pay, this law places everybody in the same playing (taxing) field. Moreover, this law also raises child tax exemption from a mere Php10k per child to Php25k per child.

This ought to mean a bigger tax exemption for me and yet, I expect it to barely make an impact on my daily living. These days, prices of every consumer items increase at a much faster rate than one's monthly income. In a family with one child and double incomes, I still feel that we are only eking out a living. Though my salary is more than double the income of daily wage earners, I still feel that we are living on a hand to mouth existence.

If I had a choice, I would never pay taxes at all. Government says they are estimated to lose Php14.2 B annually from these tax exemptions. I have always thought that those who earn say 10k or less, or even up to 50k, should not be taxed at all. Where do these taxes go anyway?

You guessed it right. Straight into their own pockets. Government claims the taxes fund vital health, education and infrastructure projects. Yeah right. Just imagine, how it was supposed to fund the ZTE broadband deal until every ordinary Juan and Pedro in this country learned the story about its multi-billion kickbacks. The price of almost all government projects are as big as the kickbacks required to get those inferior and thoughtless projects going. They enter flawed and disadvantageous contract, sometimes even with foreign governments and lenders, precisely because their share of the loot money is so lucrative.

It is estimated that a normal government project always makes room for a 25% kickback for officials responsible for pushing through with that transaction. So the bigger the price of the project, the larger your kickback pay becomes. This is one profitable business venture for most officials of the land. And the most amazing thing about this is that, no matter how ludicrous and hopelessly useless the outcome of their project becomes, they never get sued for it. They are never held accountable and do not feel personal responsibility over the misuse of public resources because they are not spending their own money in the first place. They figuratively get away with murder with no more than a tap on the back as their punishment.

Now, why would I want to shelve my hard earned pesos on that. If I were to give taxes, which I'm perfectly willing to do under different circumstances, I want to be given the right to choose exactly where my money goes. I want to know exactly what foundation or project my money is spent, and to make sure its not getting wasted. Or just used to further enrich these government officials with multiple secret dollar accounts abroad.

Do they really need the money more than us?

17 on 17th

Boo hoo! The LA Lakers should have just handed the trophy straight to Pierce and company's arms. A 39-point advantage in an NBA Finals Game, come on! They should have saved themselves from the embarrassment by choosing not to play at all.

But at least it was a fitting end to the Celtics, who after two decades of drought, got their 17th NBA trophy on the 17th of June.

What the Celtics fans chanted to Kobe Bryant, vaunted best NBA player at the moment, maybe harsh but oh so true, "You are not (Michael) Jordan."

Indeed, he was not.

Amazing!

2008-06-15T20:25:00.000-07:00

Subterranean River, also called the Underground River, in Palawan

Some months back, I heard from the news that two natural wonder sites of the country are competing for the title of New Seven Wonders of Nature, namely, the Tubbataha Reef and Subterranean River National Park, both from Palawan.

I have been to the Underground River myself, an experience I could only aptly describe as unforgettable. We boarded this small engine-propelled banca, strapped our necessary orange life-jackets on, entered the mouth of this cave (as seen above) and saw the most amazing of stalactite and stalagmite formations. Some of these formations were named after what the stones sort of resembled like, i.e., The Pieta for what seemed to be a monument of Virgin Mary holding his dead son, and others that already escape my memory. But another vivid memory though, and one which will never escape me, is of sea snakes happily swimming alongside the banca as the boatman carried a tune in his wooden flute. Our friendly guide/boatman was actually calling on the snakes to come to our sides. While others wanted to jump out of the boat at the sight of the slithering snakes on top of the water, I calmly reminded myself of the fact earlier stated by our very thoughtful boatman, the river is at least 10 feet deep and freezing at that.

Feeling compelled to do my patriotic duties, I then googled the site and voted for the two lone Philippine entries, coupled by other equally enthralling entries from the Asian continent, such as Mt. Fuji, Mt. Everest, the Ganges River and others. I would have voted for the Philippine entries alone but one internet vote cast actually called for seven different choices, and of course, being Asian, I stayed close to home and limited my choices to the other Asian wonders of nature. Not content, I linked the add of the website and sent it to my entire Yahoo mail network so they could also promptly do their share and vote for the Philippines' entries as well.

Having done this, I mentally crossed my fingers and hoped that at least one of our national entry will make it to the final judgment. At that time, only the Tubbataha Reef seemed to be in the running, playing consistently between spots 7 and 8. As I understood it before, only the top entries will get the chance to proceed to the next level of elimination which will be determined by the group's panel of experts by next year, Jan 2009.

That was a couple of months ago. Just today, I read in an article at a travel forum, Four RP Sites in Top Ten of Nature Wonder Search, that the country now has four entries. The Chocolate Hills in Bohol, and the perfect cone-shaped Mayon Volcano in Bicol have been included on the list. Not only that, the ranking of all the Philippine entries have skyrocketed to the top spots. All four of the national entries are included among the top ten, with Tubbataha coming in at number 2 after a famous beach in Vietnam. What can I say? Amazing. The power of Filipino internet voting/blogging is undeniable.

I know for a fact that Filipino accounts as one of the top, if not the top, Friendsters user in the world. We have also consistently voted our Ms. Philippines candidate as the Most Photogenic in the Miss Universe competition for several years in a row. (We can't exactly claim pride in this though.)

Now, if we could only harness this focus and power into changing the course of our national economy and government, that would be more than amazing. It would actually be life-changing.

Dreaming of Coron

2008-06-12T21:54:00.000-07:00

Coron, Palawan, Philippines

This picture says it all. Who wouldn't want to set foot in such a beautiful place, in such a paradise? One certainly wouldn't mind dying if eternity meant living here forever.

I have been to Palawan twice. I was fortunate enough to have visited the beautiful Sabang Beach and its adjacent haunting Subterranean Underground River. That was almost a lifetime ago. I was 16 then, a kid fresh from a stressful high school stint, when I got invited by relatives residing in Puerto Princesa to visit them at their place.

We went to Sabang by jeepney. The ride was interminable and exhausting. After almost a quarter of the day of enduring a bumpy and dusty journey, we arrived at our destination---paradise. It was worth all the ache and pain of my tired and beaten body. I must have cried when I first saw the place. It was my first and only time to see such a pristine and majestic beach complete with towering green mountains as its backdrop. As I enjoyed the sun and gently watched the crystal-clear waters lap my feet like the tongue of warm and loving puppy, I said to myself, "I will go back to this place."

But I never did.

Almost one lifetime forward, at 28 years, I still have not forgotten my promise to go back to paradise. Constrained by time, family, career and financial obligations, it seems almost impossible to do so. Until I stumbled upon this travel website one lonely and quiet afternoon. Byahilo.com revealed to me the secrets of this once-in-a-lifetime chance of visiting Coron, Palawan for free.

SEAIR, a premier airline traveling to scenic vacation spots all over the country, is giving away 6 tickets for free to Busuanga, Coron, Palawan. For more details simply log on to the Seair website which I also separately posted in this blog, or read Byahilo.com instructions on how to join this contest.

To go to Coron via SEAIR for free would be a dream come true for me. Flying, if one could afford it, is definitely the best way to travel. I learned that going to Busuanga, Coron by Seair takes only a mere 35 minutes. That's even faster than traveling to Makati by my place in Pasay. Imagine flying against the vastness of cloud and space to arrive in paradise in a little over half an hour. That is what this SEAIR ride promises. Paradise at the snap of your fingers.

I have previously seen paradise. I want to see it again, this time, in the guise of Coron. If I could get it for free, it would be most lovely.

Fly Seair Link

2008-06-12T20:54:00.000-07:00

Click here for the Fly Seair Link

Seair Website

Freedom

2008-06-11T20:25:00.000-07:00

Today, June 12, 2008, marks the Philippines 110th Independence Day. Rightfully or unrightfully so, we are historically the first republic in Asia to declare ourselves free from colonial rule.

Emilio Aguinaldo, the country's first declared president, waved a blue, red and white flag with three stars in the terrace of his own home, and thus said, "We are free." Cheers, exultation followed this proclamation. Unbeknownst to him, a couple of months forward, the Spanish and Americans will secretly have their tea party in France to seal the deal of the US' purchase of the Philippine soil for US$20,000,000. This agreement is officially called as the 1898 Treaty of Paris. Only a year after declaring independence, Aguinaldo was captured and forced to acknowledge American rule. Following this, the Philippines existed as a colony once more, by the US this time, for 48 more years. They finally gave the country freedom to govern itself on July 4, 1946, incidentally the same day of the US' national independence.

Technically, we were only truly free of colonial rule on that 4th of July day. But even that is not entirely accurate as American bases stayed in the country well until the Marcos era. They were booted out of Subic and finally out of the Philippine soil only during the Cory Aquino presidency. But as a result of the US' forced departure, we fell out of their radar of diplomatic aid and friendship, and thus suffered its adverse economic consequence.

Fast forward to 2008, American forces sporadically come back for supposedly benign US-Phil exercises in the south of the country, and so far, our government is still a consistent lapdog of the US.

So the question remains, "Are we a truly free nation?" And what has this freedom really brought us so far? Can we consider ourselves as free when the majority of our society is shackled by ignorance, poverty, sickness and war. Are we a truly free nation when only the few, elite ruling class lord over the country's vast resource of natural and man-made wealth? Are we truly free when most Filipinos dream of going to a greener pasture to escape poverty and dearth of social opportunities in its own land?

110 years after, are we truly freer today than before? Or have we merely passed on from one oppressor to next, only this time they are of our own?

Beyond: Remembering Aunt Belay

2008-05-12T23:37:00.000-07:00

Aunt Belay and JK looking beyond the shores.

The day before Mother's Day, I received the sad news of my dear aunt's passing. It was unexpected. She was only 57. In my estimate, she still has 20 or so more years left to live before it was considered forgivable for one to die. She did not even outlive my grandfather, her own father, who at 90 plus is still with us though only barely hanging on to LIFE. My grandfather’s sister, Mamang Ika, who at 98 still vigorously moves and eats around her earthy bamboo bed, has outlived her by almost a lifetime. Give and take their age difference is about 40 years. That's longer than my current age at the moment! She should have had more than quite a lifetime still ahead of her. But it wasn't to be.

My aunt's real name is Caridad, a Spanish name which means charity in its literal English translation. Her name, like all of her other siblings on my father's side, is directly lifted from a calendar of Spanish Saints. Thus, like my father, who goes by the odd name of Perfecto, after a virtual unknown saint, St. Perfecta, all but one of them have names of holy origin. By some Higher intelligence in the universe, her name befits her.

She had lived a life of quiet generosity. She was charitable to a fault, if such a thing could happen. Many of my relatives, the poorer ones, that is, lived under her roof and shared her every meal. This, she did, without grudge and discontent. She shouldered the matriculation fees of children not her own. Though she only has one biological son, she has mothered nieces, nephews aplenty. Thus, she was called "Mommy" by almost every kid in our rural neighborhood. She has shared her life, her riches, her self to those who needed her. She was in every respect until the end, truthful of her name, of her legacy.

My fondest memory of her was when she gave me this Barbie doll when I was about 7 or 9 years old. I greatly longed for one (esp. the one with a Ken partner) and it was she who rendered my childhood wish a reality. She would almost never forget to gift me thoughtful presents on my birthday and fondly called me "Inday Mic" inspite of my overly bratty behaviour. She was one of my closest, if not the closest, of my long list of aunts.

I really hate it whenever people attribute goodness to a recently departed relative or loved one even if it is totally unwarranted. I see it all the time on TV when a suspected criminal or junkie gets killed by the police and all of a sudden a concerned mother or wife (usually) cries for justice and says that the death was undeserved as this person was the paragon of human goodness when still living. They conveniently forget all the human frailty and evil this dead person has wreaked when left alone breathing. So in the same stance, when I say my aunt was everything good and nice, I know that people might very well question the veracity and sincerity of those words, but there is really no other way to put it. She was really that nice. And why God choose to take away the nice and good people first, I really do not know, except that maybe they deserve something better that this current life cannot offer.

Last May 30, I went to my home province Iloilo to attend her wake and funeral mass. Upon my arrival, I immediately went straight to the coffin to see her remains. I instantly knew she was gone. Not an ounce of her generous spirit, her engaging smile and sweet aura, is left in that stiff wooden body encased in a white casket. That wasn’t my aunt anymore. She was indeed gone.

We buried her the following day, May 31^st. Until the end, many relatives and dear friends shed their tears and didn’t want to accept her untimely passing. If the tears and sheer number of people who attended her funeral would account for her short life, it is safe to say that she has loved well and was well-loved in return. I cannot imagine how she has managed to touch so many peoples lives. If I could get just half of the number of people who shared her final moment attend my own in the future (very far, hopefully), I would be most happy. To make a difference in the lives of so much people, or even just to get to know them somehow is a good enough accomplishment in a lifetime. Her death maybe singluar, but the loss of her is magnified into a hundred-fold and is reflected in the sorrow of all those who have loved her and love her still.

Good bye my beloved auntie, we will see each other again in the beyond. You are now free to embrace God’s loving kindness and goodness, from where your spirit came forth and will return once more. You will be missed, but you will never be forgotten. We will love you always. Always.

On Real Self and Public Self (Afterthoughts on the Assassination of Jesse James Movie)

2008-02-22T03:14:00.000-08:00

I watched the Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford last night (20 Dec ). Of course, I have to admit I watched it primarily because my first love Brad Pitt was in it. Brad always gets criticized for his acting skills, not without merit, but lately he’s been showing quite a progress. In this movie for instance, where he plays the title role (duh!) his acting was pretty decent and even worthy of recognition. He played the outlaw Jesse James, a semi-leader of a ragtag gang of bank and train robbers that he and his older brother, Frank James, founded. The movie was somewhat boring at the beginning as I had no idea what the story was all about and had difficulty discerning the dialogue because of the Southern drawl adapted by the actors in the film. I was about to fall off from my seat, lulled by the warmth of my shawl against the theater house’s top-class air conditioning, when Brad violently butted a guy’s head with his gun. He threatened to blast the guy’s head off but was only put off by his one of more "conscientious" law-breaking comrade. So throughout this film, Brad plays this good-looking and fashionable bipolar criminal who shares a good laugh with his comrades, but would not hesitate to shoot them if he senses a betrayal, and a tender and loving family man. His character instilled both fear and admiration in his comrades so much so that they generally agreed, or rather was forced to agree, to just about everything that he asks them to do. However, in the end, like what the title of the movie clearly implies, he was betrayed and shot in the head by one of his fellow con out fear for his own safety and life. The assassin, Robert or Bob Ford in the film, idolized Jesse all throughout his childhood but was compelled to kill him in the end, as he rationalized that at one point or the other, Jesse was bound to kill him too. I wouldn’t say he was wrong as Brad played such a convincing psychopath in this movie. The mind of Jesse James did not particularly follow a logical flow of sense and reason in the film and the chances that he would kill Bob Ford was very much grounded.

What made a lasting impression on me about the movie was the fact that people could be different persons at the same time. Like Jesse, one could be an excellent father and husband and be a unflinching murderer/robber at the same time. Jesse’s wife was dumbfounded of his murder (by Bob) as she clearly did not know the entire facet of his personality well. The persona that Jesse presented to her was beyond reproach; he was the perfect husband and father to their two young children. If she only knew what her husband was truly like then perhaps she would understand and even condone the act of treachery committed by their family friend Bob. This reminds me of an Anita Shreve book I read entitled "The Pilot’s Wife." The protagonist in the story, the wife, discovered his pilot husband’s affair through the most unusual of circumstance. The plane that his husband was piloting unexpectedly crashed in the Atlantic and initial reports said that it might be a terrorist attack. Shaken by grief, she recalls the memory of their love affair and stable (yet cold) marriage and is convinced that her husband had been a good man, a doting father and a sensitive partner to her. Then out of the blue, the shocking news about the cause of the plane crash becomes public, and she learns about his husband’s involvement with the IRA, a nationalist rebel organization, fighting for the independence of Ireland. She finds out in the end that her husband had been a "runner" for the group and was having an affair with one of its members, a former stewardess in his plane. And not only that, he had two children by this woman and the second one was only six months old. The wife had the shock of her life and was flabbergasted by the "newness" of their affair as evidenced by the six-month baby. Piece by piece, the memory of their flawed marriage becomes apparent to her: How her husband could afford not to make love to her for more than three weeks time which oddly extended to months, something that she justified in her mind as a usual settling down of marriage life. How her husband would suddenly get enraged whenever she asks the simplest of questions, which includes, "Do you still love me?" Somehow, her rational mind banished these fears and mild questions, as during their marriage she couldn’t quite place her finger on what is exactly wrong or missing about their shared love. It finally dawns to her that his husband was leading a double life all along.

So the question in her mind (and my mind) remains, "Can a person who claims he loves you truly loves you when he also loves somebody else?"; "Are the things that you shared remain true despite the fact that he was lying to the whole time?" This question may seem fairly easy to answer with a definite no but, for a woman who believed and was satiated by the normalcy of a marriage, it is really difficult to answer. I guess this is so because people tend to live double lives all the time. For example, one can be a cruel husband but a respectable public persona at the same time or vice versa. Some people may feel obliged to hide their real selves for fear of a public rejection and as such may only reveal what they truly are to a few selected number of people. In life, particularly in these times, people feel the need to hide their true selves more often. There is a growing need to compartmentalize our selves into different parts and choose only which parts to show in public and which parts to keep for our self. However, if we do this, we will experience a sense of vertigo, a loss of a grounding or mooring, and we will question ourselves on who truly are more and more. "Which is the real me? Is it the loving husband or the hardcore criminal?" "Is it my public self or private self?"

My only resolution to this dilemma is to stay true to your "real" self as often as possible. One needs to try to stay out of a clear and definite dividing line between a public and a private self. For example, if you want to be on television playing the Johnny and the Sprites character, you better be a kid-loving and friendly person in real life. You better be sure you are not some crackpot junkie with a promiscuous sex life in your personal life. Otherwise, paparazzi’s may pick up this juicy bit of information and banner it on their tabloids the next morning. And how will you able to explain this apparent great divide between your public and private self then? Politicians and movie stars are the ones always prone to this sort of scandal. This is so because there usually is a huge disparity between their public and private selves. But you can’t really blame them, particularly the movie stars, as their main business is selling an image (which may or may not represent who they truly are) to the public; they merely represent something that the public fancies or desire. Sometimes though, you can lucky or just plain blessed, like Oprah Winfrey. She earns billions of dollars a year by showing her real self in the public and the people just simply love for her it. (She may even get to elect the first black president in the US just because of her influence.) Or be unlucky, like Martha Stewart for example. The public feasted on her stocks scandal years ago as they simply cannot reconcile her homey style living expert public self to the scheming business cheat presented by the prosecutors. But in the end, Martha accepted a plea bargain and was incarcerated for a year and two and the public has forgiven her since for her mistake. She is now back as the decorative home style genius that she is. However, one cannot just disregard the lack public of confidence that she has suffered and is probably still suffering. She may be back in business but people will always have that orange prison wardrobe clad Martha image embedded on their heads. There is now an undeniable crack or fissure between her public image and private self. People now know that she isn’t who she really is in public.

To live a double life is to live a difficult life. (Unless, you are CIA agent or something and get a
kick out having a multiple personality disorder, you will definitely not enjoy having a double life.) One way or the other your true self creeps back and gets hold of you again. Your wife may soon discover your philandering ways through the subtlest change in your manner, or you may have a Freudian slip in public that may shatter the image you are fastidiously portraying. Either way you cannot hide or run away from your "true" self forever. It will catch up on you and when it does it will demand an accounting of what is real and what is false. As such, Socrates did say, "Know thyself." The knowledge of one’s self is your best protection to the lies of your self and to the lies of the world. People may perceive you differently from you really are and as such say things which may not be true of you, but as long as you know yourself, you are safe. If you know yourself, then you can boldly say to yourself and to the world this is the real me and the only me for that matter.

The True Spirit of EDSA

2008-02-22T03:11:00.000-08:00

Nowadays, people are clamoring for a Gloria resign movement. Yet another rally was held in Makati last Friday to call for PGMA’s ouster. I personally wanted to take part in the rally as sign of indignation and protest over the stupid lies put up by the government. (However, I didn’t for security reasons. I am not proud about this.) The people in the government underestimate the common Filipinos’ capacity to discern what is right and what is wrong, what is a lie and what is the truth. Just today, I heard from a tv news anchor (Anthony Taberna) about his call for the supposed "universal judgment," which inevitably brings to my mind once more the memory of the great and extremely boring tracts of the German philosopher Immanuel Kant.
I feel ambivalent about the PGMA resign movement. I strongly believe that she should be ousted and punished for every wrongdoing she has committed to the Filipino people but on the one hand, there is a creeping cynicism inside of me which says disposing her will not necessarily lead for the better. If truth be told, I am bitterly disappointed by her performance as a president. I had such a high expectation of her as she depicted herself as the moral, religious, family-loving opposite of the then philandering actor-president Joseph Estrada. I sincerely thought she was the one who could save this country from the vicious cycle of poverty and corruption. But she proved to be worse than Estrada in the end. She presented her flashy, respectable and dignified self in the public yet in reality, there was a Mr. Hyde lurking on the background. At least Estrada had the temerity to show his real face in the public and to challenge them to either take it or leave. It may be in bad taste and a step backward to feminism, with him having numerous mistresses around, but in the Filipino psyche his act is something that can be condoned.
I believe the public feels the same way I feel now. Although they feel strongly against the leadership of Gloria, they may not be too apt to act on the thought as they simply do not want to go through the whole ordeal of deposing and replacing a government again. I daresay PGMA killed and cheapened the spirit of the Edsa Revolution when she ascended into power and proved, or rather chose, to be the wrong leader. The first Edsa Revolution and the "real" People Power in my opinion was the one triggered by the death of a true hero, Ninoy Aquino. The second one, was right in the sense that most people really wanted Estrada out of power, and yet was misguided and outright disastrous in the sense that it paved the way for Gloria to claim the power and privilege that was not rightfully hers.
It was not rightfully hers as she was not voted as president the first time she took hold of the presidency. (And thing is, she probably never really was ever voted as president, as insinuated by the "Hello Garci" scandal.) Estrada was idolized and catapulted into power by the middle to lower class majority of the society. The elite class can whine and bitch about it but their vote is as good as the vote by the lowliest street vendor (as long as gets himself registered and does not sell his vote to an unscrupulous local public official for a measly hundred bucks). The poor and underprivileged class wanted Estrada and so he became the president of the land. His only mistake was that he got caught doing his own designs of graft and corruption. He was betrayed by his "compadre" and co-conspirator himself, Chavit Singson, when he readily admitted to the Senate that yes, they were doing jueteng collection and yes, Estrada was siphoning public funds into his own wallet through various means of malversation of public funds. And of course, just like the rest, Singson did not claim he wasn’t guilty of it either, its just that compared to what his "compadre" was getting, his share was just a small portion of the pie. And so off Estrada went, together with his legion of crooks, who haughtily announced that the people can erect makeshift houses in Edsa for all they care but no, Estrada will not step down as president. A few days after, when his favored senators danced and cheered their way to prevent a vital piece of information from going out to public, Estrada was eventually booted out of office. What they didn’t know was that their desperate and pathetic attempt to shield Estrada from his plunder charges was the last straw. The public became so furious because the farcical process of unseating a president was so deliberately rigged to favor then president Estrada. And so to announce their indignation as well as to let go of their frustration over the entire affair, they marched to Edsa via a text brigade to be later supported by opposition leaders, church leaders notably, Jaime Cardinal Sin, former presidents Cory Aquino and FVR, and lastly and they key of which was the military. Alas, another "compadre" of his was to betray Estrda. Then Chief of Staff Reyes and the nominal head of the military, turned his back on Estrada, saying he will listen to the voice of the people and protect the right of the people and not the president alone. Now, Reyes is gratefully serving PGMA as a vital government official, through various posts, a happy consequence of his mighty act of choosing public opinion over his personal benefits. He is infinitely happier with his choice indeed.
This is what essentially what the opposition leaders are asking the public again to go through. To experience once again the hysteria and mob of deposing an unrighteous and according to Lozada’s word (told to him in confidence by CHED Chairman Romulo Neri) "evil" president. To what extent the current sitting president is evil, we might never know as Neri himself claims he does not recall ever naming the president as such or even being in such a position to have him say those words. But interestingly, when the press people pressed him further to describe PGMA in one word, he says that he could not and when pressed again to elaborate and to use more than a word if he must, again he seems to be at lost for words on how to describe his own boss. Was it fear that stopped him to utter any potentially politically incorrect word that might come out of his mouth? Is it fear now that is stopping him to go the path that Jun Lozada has taken? Just like Lozada said, Neri was concerned about his financial and physical security, the top two things he will invariably lose once he goes against the president (and who in his right mind wouldn’t be really?) Lozada was reluctant to go the Senate precisely on those reasons and yet, in the end, he chose the more difficult path as he was more concerned about saving his morality, about losing his soul more than the physical comforts of this life.
What is the lesson we can learn from all of these? I personally learned that good intentions do not necessarily lead to good results. The intention of Edsa, both I and II, were definitely aimed for the greater good and yet, the results were not all satisfying, especially with the latter one. Filipinos are clamoring for change and genuinely want reform from the government and yet sadly, their leaders have failed them one after the other. The spirit of the first Edsa still burns alive in the memory and hearts of all Filipinos and this is what led them to again dream of change and a break of the status quo when they marched to the streets once more for the second Edsa. The Filipinos spirit is always pure and strong, always searches for the truth and never settles for what is only second best, and yet it is their leaders that are found wanting. This particular Jun Lozada expose might not go anywhere, his wave of truth might not be strong enough to topple down a greedy and evil president firmly entrenched in her hold of power, but his lesson will never be lost, his courage in the face of danger and evil will never be forgotten.
In the end, the choice is ours to make. We could choose the path that Lozada has taken, a path towards the greater good, the path that will save our souls. Or we could take the road Neri has taken, a path towards personal good and security, but a path that might make us lose our soul. In his unusual display of both courage and fear, Lozada, has emerged the moral victor in this quest for truth. His unmasked sincerity and surprising wit, as shown in his Senate hearing appearances, struck a chord in this nation’s soul still hoping for the realization of the spirit of Edsa. Like he said, "In my choice to come out for the truth, my only intention was to save my own soul. I didn’t know that in the process, I will also touch our nation’s soul as well." As long as there is still one man (or woman) standing and bravely defying the odds for the higher good of this nation, all is still not lost with the Filipino’s quiet quest for idealism and good governance, and as such the true spirit of Edsa remains.

Memorable Quotes resulting from the J Lo Expose:
"Moderate your greed. Exterminate your breed." – from popular poltical slogan these days as lifted from Neri’s instruction to Lozada to moderate the greed for kickback of Abalos and FG Arroyo.
"I thought I was merely standing up for the truth. But now, I learn that the truth is the one standing up for me." –Jun Lozada from his Tagalog version (Akala ko, gusto ko lang maisalba ang katotohan kaya ako nagsalita. Pero ngayon ang katotohanan na ang sumasalba sa akin.)
"I simply cannot recall saying those words." –Romulo Neri, when asked about the veracity of Lozada’s testimony that he called PGMA evil. It is important to note that he did not categorically say, no, I never said it, but only no, I do not recall saying that. This saves him from the accusation of being a complete liar as in effect what he was saying is that he might or might not have said those words. Nevertheless, oppositionist Senator Ping Lacson, after hearing Neri’s answer, immediately called him a liar, telling he was there when Neri said those words just December of last year and further accusing him of having selective amnesia.

Happy Hearts Day Everyone!

2008-02-13T23:27:00.000-08:00

Today we are celebrating the Day of Hearts. A non-event really for a person like me who considers such occasions as a mere ploy to trick the middle classes of divesting the hard-earned and depreciated peso from their pockets. In the light of the current economic situation this country is experiencing, such unnecessary and mindless commercialism is uncalled for. Down with Valentines Day and all the overpriced chocolates and roses it entails! Down with the lovey-dovey couples ostensibly holding hands and making other questionable displays of physical emotion!

I am just sour-graping of course! Hehehe.

Now, let us go back to the more important issue of the hour. The J Lo or Jun Lozada expose.

Light and Darkness

2008-02-13T23:24:00.000-08:00

There is only one weapon you can wield to fight off the siege the armies of the night will lay upon you when you take the witness stand, that will leave you standing when the smoke clears, proud and victorious: The truth. ---Conrado de Quiros

One thing is clear from all of this. The government is lying, and not only that, they are doing quite a bad job at it. The Senate hearing on the ZTE-NBN deal makes all the high-ranking government officials sound like a bunch of nincompoops. It really makes you wonder why they occupy such prestigious government positions in the first place. Lying in the Senate hearing is really much more difficult than lying in the ordinary courts. In the Senate, you have like half a dozen senators tediously asking you to repeat every little bit of information you have just stated. They are patiently waiting for the inconsistencies to surface as go along your prepared speech. So if you are not telling the truth, or if you have not 100 percent memorized your concocted story, you will definitely look an eejit in front of national tv. In this case, you don’t need to be the proverbial rocket scientist to know who is telling the truth. Thank God for Lozada.

Jun Lozada or J Lo for FG Arroyo, is what you call the classic unwilling hero. He is not clearly the saint that senators Joker Arroyo and Miriam Santiago are looking for, which is almost non-existent, but he is a hero in my opinion nonetheless. It takes an enormous amount of will power and gumption to go against the powers that be in the government. Not everybody is willing to risk his life and limb just for the Truth to come out. Just think of Neri, Atienza, Defensor, Razon, Bunye, et al to know how difficult it is to tell a simple truth to the public. These government henchmen’s resolve to protect their “boss” far outweigh their desire to help the true ones, “the people,” who provide them their salary and all the other perks they enjoy. It is so easy indeed to be seduced by the dark side. The path towards becoming a Master Jedi is the least road taken. But it is the path that Jun Lozada has taken. As Sen. Mar Roxas said, “May the Force be with you.” And may the force be with us all.

This is not the first time (and I bet you it won’t be the last as long as they remain in power) for the Arroyo government to be caught with its hands on the cookie jar. Who can ever forget the Hello Garci scandal? My officemates (in the government!) had cellphone ringtones in that tune. I listened to the downloadable version of that conversation on the net regardless of what the moldy DOJ Secretary Gonzales was then saying. He threatened to prison everybody who will bother to listen to it as he argued that it was an act against national security. It was an act against the security of PGMA, her questionable tenure of power, but when did she ever represent the nation, the communal interest of people? PGMA does not exactly constitute national security especially since she primarily serves the interest of the elite and chosen few who fight to keep her in power. It is the right and duty of every citizen to know. The government’s main responsibility is to bolster that right and not to smother or downright kill it. Just recently, I heard in the news that the Supreme Court upheld in its ruling that that “illegally” wiretapped sound file can be legally played in Congress for everybody to hear. But that is beside the point of course, as every Dick and Harry, or rather to be more culturally correct, Pedro and Juan, in the country has heard it and knows what that fuss is all about.

Which brings us to the point, what has Comelec Chairman Abalos got to do with a government broadband connection deal? Why is he even a part of the picture when he cannot offer any technical expertise on the matter? And why is he so adamant on his demand for a kickback according to both Jun Lozada and Joey De Venecia’s expose? This was even corroborated by Romula Neri’s damning statement in the Senate, “Sec, me 200 ka dito.” Neri said he understood that statement to be his Php 200 million share of Abalos’ kickback. I can only logically surmise that Abalos possesses such a clout on the government for one reason alone: they owe him something. And what favor can you possibly ask from a Comelec Chairman whose main task is the counting and calculation of votes come election time? You tell me. It isn’t hard to connect the dots after all.

JDV in his final speech as House Speaker insinuated about the cheating in the 2004 elections. However, he safely followed it up with a statement that he will reveal what he knows in a more proper forum. He also mentioned another government project that was supposed to be overpriced. Relatedly, during the questioning of Lozada he also brought up the North Luzon Railways project as another overpriced government that he knows of. According to him, it was overpriced by at least US$70 million dollars. However, it was pushed through without any hitch as it falls under the category of what he termed as “moderate greed.” What Abalos was asking for almost constituted 50% of the entire amount of the deal itself which was originally pegged at about US$150-200 million dollars. Therefore, what Neri tasked Lozada to do was to simply ask Abalos to lessen his amount of kickback to half of his original demand. To which Abalos angrily retorted, “Ang hirap nyo’ng kausap. Kalimutan nyo na lang ang usapan.” (You people are hard to talk to. Just forget about our deal.) Lozada also matter of factly stated that all government projects are overpriced by about 20% of the total amount of the project to accommodate for the kickbacks.

The last statement did not surprise me at all. What did surprise me was Senator Gordon’s reaction to Lozada’s allegedly marvelous claim of corruption in the government. He claimed that Lozada should have been outright indignant about the corruption as even as single centavo or peso of stolen money is valuable and that he should have not accepted the proposition of Neri in the first place out of the purity of his conscience. I am surprised and a little bit disturbed by Gordon’s sentiment as I know that he has been a public servant for such a long time. Surely, he knows how government conducts its business. That corruption is part and parcel of government affairs is a common knowledge. In fact, the people almost expect it, what they simply do not want is for the government to be intemperate in its greed to the point of robbing them of all of the public resources. Just like the memorable Malaysian leader, Mahathir Mohammed, once said (in reference to the US), “You are permitted to take advantage of us but do it on our terms.”

This is precisely why the government’s act of discrediting Lozada via Senators Miriam Santiago, Joker Arroyo and others will not hold water. The insufferable Sen. Santiago accused Lozada of being culpable of corruption himself as he also enacted government projects without proper bidding during his term as President of Philippine Forest Corporation,( a semi-government entity to which Lozada tendered his irrevocable resignation before his expose) and that he had unduly used his influence when he chose his own wife as the agent to supply his own government funded insurance amounting to Php 5 million pesos. Lozada did not flinch when he admitted to his own mistakes and acts of corruption. Moreso, Santiago lost her point to pin down Lozada on his wrongdoings when he said, “That is why I am testifying here at the Senate. I may have been seduced by the dark side but I fear that if I push through with this project, I will lose my entire soul with it. I am trying to save what is left of my soul and conscience.” (This is not a verbatim of Lozada’s statement; just a paraphrasing of it.)

Another tale that I won’t forget out of this sordid revelation is Lozada’s brief recollection of a farmer’s tale of simplicity and kindness. He said that on his one sojourn in the province, he saw a tree burdened of ripe guavas and asked the farmer who owned the tree why he didn’t harvest it to sell those produce in the market. The farmer, in his battered rubber sandals (tsinelas) and hole-ridden sando, answered, “Sir, we just leave them there so that the birds could eat something.” You may accuse this farmer of lack of ingenuity and creativity but you cannot accuse him of greed and corruption. Simple folks such as this man may lack all the trappings of the “good life” but it doesn’t mean that that he won’t be able to live a good life. In fact, he may live the best life of all as he is happy and contented with his lot unlike our government officials who squabble and are never contented with their share of millions of pesos and dollars. Do they sleep fitfully at night knowing that they took away all that money that could have been channeled for that farmer’s health care benefits, his children’s education, the livelihood projects of his community, for the construction of roads, hospitals and bridges that could benefit that farmer's life and all the people like him for the better? They may have the grandest and most plush beds that money could buy but one thing they can never have is that simple man’s good sleep. That is, if they still have some conscience and soul left in their systems. Sadly, as exemplified by the recent turn of events, most of our government officials have lost theirs beyond redemption.

In his interview just this morning, Mr. Jun Lozada was asked about his message to PGMA, the mover behind it all, and he exhorted her to “please step into the light.” When one sees the light, will we have the courage to embrace it and do the right thing just like Lozada did? Or would we hover around the corners of darkness just like most of our government officials out of fear for their own behinds? Or worse still, will we choose to order the light out and have it quashed just like PGMA did when she sanctioned the kidnapping/joy-ride of Lozada? I sincerely hope that in our own little moments of reckoning we may have the same courage that Jun Lozada has and still do the right thing in the end.

The Royal Battle

2008-02-04T18:26:00.000-08:00

The royal battle has begun. Last night, or rather in the wee hours of morning today, JDV was finally unseated as House Speaker of the land following days of speculation of a covert revolution sponsored by PGMA's neophyte congressmen sons, Mickey and Dato Arroyo. So it has finally happened, the great divide, the bifurcation of two major political heavyweights who has ruled the country's politics for a little less than a decade. The war is on. JDV vs. PGMA, finally. Whoever wins this epic battle must think of the country's good first before his or her own. I can't wait to see the fireworks and find out who the last man, or in this case, last woman, standing. I am hoping for the former.

************

To recall, this great unravelling started last quarter of 2007 when JDV's son, the virtual unknown Joey de Venecia (JDV III), dropped the bombed on the Arroyo's, in particular, its infamous patriarch Mike, saying he told him to drop out of the now controversial and almost defunct (not quite still, according to Malacanang, as it is still under review) NBN-ZTE broadband deal. His revelation against the First Gentleman, the country's first ever (so truly the first in that sense), was further aggravated by his physical demonstration of how exactly he was told to back off and stay quiet of the deal which Joey claims was overpriced by at least US$200 million dollars. (It would take me a lifetime to count that money one by one so I won't even imagine how huge that amount is in concept.) He was demanded to stay out the bidding process as apparently the Arroyos already had a company in mind to take up this telecommunications project, in this case, the shady Chinese company ZTE. ZTE would loan out the money, as well as provide the technological know-how, to the government, in order to build up the national broadband network, or an internet highway, that is supposed to connect all government agencies under one encompassing system. In a country with more than half of its population just barely eking out an acceptable standard of human living, the government deems it necessary and prudent to invest in such a fleeting modern craze. It's almost tantamount to buying the latest phone model complete with all the buzz adornments it has to offer when you know for a fact you can barely pay your bills and make both ends meet. So you buy the cellphone and it looks good on you for a day or two until some new model comes along which renders your flashy phone obsolete. In essense, this was what the PGMA administration was proposing when they drafted this contract with the Chinese network. They wanted the country to buy some overpriced broadband deal when they know for a fact that one, the nation couldn't really afford it as it badly needs some other projects to be completed and funded and two, it will go out of style and be outdated in a couple of years time. And yes, they (PGMA's minion) willingly and unashamedly sought for this contract to materialize not out of some misinformed judgement or stupidity but out of plain and simple greed. If this project had pushed through, they could literally spend their lifetimes counting that US$200 million excess money as their share of the kickback. But no, one Joey de Venecia had to get into their way. He spilled the beans on this nefarious transaction for reasons which maybe beyond the cry of a pure conscience, and so it came out in the open, in all its rotten smell and disgusting contents for the public to see. For several weeks this news hugged the spotlight and threatened PGMA's queenship. Calls were renewed for her to resign or be impeached amidst the scandal directly involving her husband but she stayed put and remained in her throne with JDV's help. He staved off doomed impeachment attempts to oust PGMA arguing its wisdom and saying it is not for the good of the country.

The story has made an 180 degrees turn, and this time, it was JDV who was about to be ousted and only the queen could save him. But she showed her true nature by exacting her revenge on JDV for his failure to shut up his son Joey's mouth. So in turn, she gave her own sons, Mickey and Dato, the blessing to do the killing. That is why last night, almost all Congress was wide awake and on unusual overtime, not to pass an important bill that will benefit the million of impoverished and dying Filipinos, but to take the mantle off JDV's stooping shoulders. They place the cloak on a puppet who could do the Arroyo clan's bidding, a former classmate of the First Gentleman himself, Prospero Nograles, who in God's infinite wisdom uttered in his victory speech, "Perhaps, this is my destiny." Perhaps, indeed, it may just be in his destiny when people will finally put up their hands and say "We've had it all. Enough is enough." To say that he will bring about the change and reform that JDV failed to enact all these years he had Speakership of the House is to say that hell would definitely freeze over. Even then, the likelihood of an icy hell is more probable considering the climate and environmental change that the world is now going through. But change, which philosophically is the only constant thing in life, will not happen in this country's lifetime. Unless...

So this is the challenge for JDV to shine. All these years he was called up to go beyond political borders and strings and place the country's interest first and yet he answered this with a deafening silence to cover his queen's iniquity. Only he would be redeemed once he steps out her shadow to claim the light for himself. Confess your sins and tell all. Finally, make this country proud and be the Speaker you should have been. Speak the truth. Speak now or you might forever hold your piece. Eventhough you virtually have nothing to lose and everything to gain, our forgiving people will still love you for it. Filipinos also prefer the underdogs and disadvantaged as it reflects the true state of their SELF.

JDV has the the power to shine and become bigger and better than this perfidy that has transpired. I only hope and pray that God gives him the courage to do it.

Last Hurrah!

2007-12-19T20:27:00.000-08:00

(With my bestest officemate Gemma who looks like my Lola! Joke only! Luvyah!)

We celebrated our Christmas party last night 19 Dec 07. This happens to be the last party I'm going to spend with my MRI family. I hate to admit it but I did have fun doing the games and the raucous merry-making. Not to mention the fact that I won 1k worth of GC's in the raffle! What a fun bonus!

Sometimes, we do get lucky. Take this picture of mine where I look a couple years younger than I really am. EYELOVIT!

Merry Christmas indeed!

Happy at Last

2007-12-12T17:37:00.000-08:00

I wake up feeling light and easy today. I slept early and in turn woke up early. These days, my mornings are rather sunnier and lighter than the usual. I know precisely the reason why. Just this week, I finally told my Pinay boss about my intention of leaving the company. She took it calmly and rather quickly. She inquired about my job prospects and told her there is one I was seriously considering and left it at that. She didn't even bother to hold me back, perhaps she did not really see a need to do so.

I wouldn't say I was happy with her reaction, but I was certainly relieved. This is the second time I would be filing my resignation for this company and this time there would be no going back. I have been tormented for months by the nature of my job. I usually woke up feeling heavy, even if there is bright sunshine outside, and would delay going to work, finding time to fix the littlest and most trivial of things in the house and then finally leave just a couple of minutes before being actually late in the office.

Leaving is always difficult for me. I always leave only when I feel that my head is barely above water and couldn't breathe any longer. It's like being in a quicksand, I wait and wait for the surface to envelop me, not daring to move even when the mud is already way beyond my waist. I just dont know how to quit. In my head, the alarm signal goes off, triggering a sense of panic and alarm in my system but I dare not move. Or rather, I am moved to catatonia. So I stay there, immobilized in my spot only to let out a yell once I am certain that I have no other choice but to move out.

So this time I finally worked up the courage to say that I am quitting when I knew there was no other way but out. My dark cloud has parted and I feel a heavy burden lifted off my shoulders. I am finally free at last. The quagmire I unwittingly led myself into has now transformed into a solid ground. I can finally walk and breathe sunshine and fresh air again with a happy smile pasted on my face. I am happy at last.

What a Zoo!

2007-12-03T18:10:00.000-08:00

(With big old Ellie in the background)

I saw the saddest looking elephant at the Manila Zoo last (Sat) 01 Dec. We went there in the hopes to teach my young daughter the actual size and sight of the animals she would normally just see in her books. Little did I know that after a what seems to be a lifetime ago of seeing the Manila Zoo, only some structures have changed but the same old animals from my own childhood have remained. Others that have died, the lions, the giraffe, were no longer replaced and so we searched for them to no avail. Some mummified version of these animals were displayed in front of what is supposed the zoo's public information center. I really don't know what to expect anymore of Philippine government officials and how they take care of properties under their stead, but I guess I am just grateful that they haven't completely left this public zoo to be in advanced stage of dilapidation and ruin. However, one step at the zoo and you will unmistakably smell the decaying manure in the air. It stays with you throughout your tour of this cramped place, which on this particular day is quite teeming with a full range of middle-class families.

Another sad-looking or rather depressed-looking, and combative animal in there was the gorilla. I am not sure if this particular monkey is actually a gorilla but she happens to be the biggest monkey in the zoo. I safely assume she is a she the way she was pitifully stroking her human-like fingers as if cradling her young. I could immediately sense her quiet desperation as she bravely put up a fight to keep her composure amidst hecklers in the crowd. Some unruly bunch of men and schoolkids were trying to rile her up to get her attention. They directed obsceneties at the poor creature who might not understand the actual meaning of those hurtful language, yet undoubtedly feels the weight of it all by the sheer force and volume those words were repeatedly uttered. In retaliation, the poor monkey avenged herself by spraying them with water she ingenuously stored in her mouth. She blasts her mouthful of vengeance to unsuspecting onlookers. But some of the crowd is all too familiar with this angry antic and moves away in time to salvage themselves from the shower of water mixed with the monkey's own saliva. They cheer and continue to heckle the monkey leaving her with no peace. Trapped in the cold bars of her solitary cage, she moves and is left with no choice but to endure the loud stares and angry words directed at her. She has no room for even the littlest of privacy. I begin to think that if she has the chance to escape in her bettle-trapped-in-the-glass existence, the first thing she might do is commit suicide. Sadly, shaken by the venom of the inhuman crowd and human-like animal, I veer away from the gorilla never to return again in her spot. I snap photos of her, caputuring her oblivious stares and vacant soul.

So I tell my husband-toting daughter to stay away from the gorilla and move on to the birds. Surely, the birds must be the least violent creature in the wild. We stare at some brightly colored male peacoks with complimentary hues of indigo and jade on its backside. Suddenly, a pure white peacock opens up its fanlike tail. He is bereft of any color and as such the effect is quite dramatic. He beautifully stays this way for a couple of seconds but I fail to capture his enchanting image in my digicam. Then out of the blue, just as we are stepping away to catch one last look of the giant elephant and some other birds, a big pelican (or a pelican-looking bird) tweaks its long beak against a smaller fowl neighbor. I laugh noting that he/she or rather it suddenly sees its longtime neighbor and cage-boarder as dinner. The smaller bird escapes its predator amidst violent squirming and loud quaking and screeching sounds. The birds are not so friendly animals after all.

We move on to a group of cuckoos, a solitary parrot and a handful of crows or "uwak." The moment I see the black crows or "death messengers" I am reminded of the immemorial passage in the Bible which gives it its dubious dark history. Accordingly, the crow used to be a pure and white dove sent out by Noah to scout the remains of the earth after the Great Deluge. However, instead of returning back to to the wooden hull as instructed, it lagged behind to feed on corpses of the other perished animals. The master, knowing full well that the bird transgressed as it did not go back on its schedule, punished and cursed the bird to its now lowly disposition. Magically, the dove's purely white feather transformed to deathly black and hence became the symbol of greed and sin in the entire fowl kingdom. I feel sorry for the crows, children instantly recognize them because of this infamous biblical story.

Then we give a one last long look to the lonely elephant. This time it is quietly eating its regular supply of grass. It had a helping of grass suspended on its wide backside and which for some gravity defying reason remained there the entire time it was feeding. I wonder how it can stay vegetarian and keep its strength and stature. Where does it source its energy when it doesn't take even a gram of meat in its diet? Vegetarians would love this classic example.

At home, comfortably tucked in my sheets and dusty pillows, I tell my husband how sad the elephant at the zoo must be. I know for a fact that elephants live in herds. By nature, they are not solitary creatures like lions or tigers and any other predators of the wild. They usually co-exist in a tight-knit community to protect their young and their group. I just wished that the zoo administrators could find a companion to this solitary elephant. It may see and hear the presence and noise of the other animals trapped in this contrived and make-believe jungle paradise, but it is still not the same as a distinct elephant sound and elephant touch it may be yearning and missing all these years. "You have an elephant-like memory," a friend told me once. Elephants are amazingly intelligent and known for their keen memory. They remember the sounds of their partners and herd from memory alone. I wonder how long this elephant can keep the memory of its former loved one, former companion after its many years of being alone. The elephant's sadness, perhaps borne out of its aloneness, can be nakedly read in its big watery soulful eyes. (I later found out from Wiki that only female elephants tend to live in herds while the male elephants usually live in solitude, deliberately staying away from his group.)

I wish they (officials) could do something more for the zoo. They could definitely liven up the place by bringing in more youthful looking animals. The state of animals at present reflect the true condition of the zoo. The animals are old, sad and harried-looking. They may be constantly fed and watered but seem to be lacking of love and attention from the zoo keepers and visitors alike. They are hedged in their little corners of zoo paradise but are essentially prisoners every waking day of their lives. Some parts of the zoo are in bad need of repair and reconstruction. It would also help if they decorate the place with flowering plants to make it more attractive. Occasional vendors also litter the zoo peddling their wares of wooden snake toys, stuffed monkeys and various ice cream drops. I happily munched my deep-fried peanuts and calorie-laden chicharon while finding my way from one animal to the next. I think I may have gained two pounds while touring the compound.

Another image I wont forget in this uneventful jaunt is the ragged yet friendly photographer who offered to take my family's shot for fee. I declined as I brought my handy digicam given by my OFW sister. I wish for once logic didn't take hold of me and have said yes. He certainly looked like he could make use of some extra cash. His sheepish invitation and my quick refusal, which is what he may customarily get from zoo visitors, left an imprint in my mind. Poor people really outnumber the rich in my beloved country. On my way home, to save fare, we took the jeepney and I couldn't really help but notice how third-class this country is plying the route of scary Harrison Blvd. Street families, and not children mind you, can be seen sleeping contentedly on the sidewalks. Traces of poverty are everywhere, littered plastic bags and vandalized grimy walls that make me want to turn my eyes away. I am not certain I want to raise my child in this environment, in this country.

I leave the zoo feeling grateful again for my little comforts in life. That I have a little space blanketed from natural elements I can call my home. So many people out there have so much less than what I have and yet remain consolable in their daily struggles. Heck, even the animals in this country need help. I wish I could do more for the both of them.

Christmas is Coming

2007-11-06T22:08:00.000-08:00

"Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world." -veteran newsman Francis Pharcellus Church, answering the famous question posed by certain girl named Virgina if Santa Claus exists.

Christmas is definitely around the corner. I still can't feel it in the air but the Christmas feeling is already there. TV networks already announce a nightly countdown of Christmas eve. What I love about Christmas is the spirit of giving. Christmas forces you to be generous, to go beyond your usual budget, just so could buy a knick knack or two for your loved one. I also used to love the season when I was a child. I believed as (avowed by my parents) of Santa Claus' existence. I patiently waited for my Christmas socks (an ordinary one at that) to be filled with a surprise holiday delight from good old Santa. I don't recall when or how I discovered that it was my parents after all who refurbished that socks each night, but I do recall being hugely disappointed. In a sense, it was the beginning of the end of my childhood. You definitely know one is way past childhood if he no longer believes that an old fat man from a far far away cold region somewhere on top of the Earth actually goes to one's house to deliver those delightful packages. But I have a secret to tell, in my heart of hearts, I still in Santa Claus. (Yes, Virginia there is a Santa Claus!)

Remember, the immortal editorial written in response to a certain girl named Virginia? She asked the innocent question of whether Santa Claus existed and the editor resoundingly answered, "Yes, he does." Santa Claus exists the same way we believe that God or JC exist. They exist because we believe and we believe without even seeing. We believe because we feel and know in our hearts that all those that stand for the ideals of goodness, love and humanity do exist in this world. We believe because we are perpetually hopeful. A world without hope is a world without love. One is contingent upon the other and this hope is manifested in a child's innocent belief that even those unimaginable do exist.

(The actual editorial, including a picture of the editorial clipping can be read through this website: http://www.newseum.org/yesvirginia/)

I will carry on this tradition with my child. I would have her believe that Santa Claus and all other unimaginable things still exist in this world. I would let her stay in her innocence and childlike imagination for as long as she wants. I would nurture her dreams and sense of wonder of the world. I would let her fly. That is what is Christmas is all about and that is the greatest gift I could ever ever give her.

A Reading of "The Reader" by Bernhard Schlink

2007-11-04T18:27:00.000-08:00

The good part of Saturday and late afternoon of Sunday I spent reading this book. I got it at my newest favorite bookstore, the Booksale at MOA, for only Php110 bucks. I knew about this book a couple of years back as I saw Oprah recommending it in her show. I remember wanting to read it but never got the chance as I couldn't get myself hold of a copy. Then I saw it at the MOA this weekend, instantly recognized it, read the first few sentences and decided that it is worth the buy.

The prose is very easy to follow. The work is almost non-literary by nature because of the simplicity of the lines. Basically, the story is about Michael Berg and her illicit relationship with a much older woman, in fact more than half her age, Hanna Schmitz. A sexual relationship began when a 15-year old Michael visited a 36-year old Schmitz in her apartment purportedly to thank her for an earlier favor. Over the course of months to follow, Michael regularly visits Schmitz in her apartment until one day she left without a trace and a goobye.

Their relationship can be likened to that of a slave and master. Young Michael worshipped Schmitz like a Grecian goddess. He constantly yearned for the physical connection that she offered through their sexual encounters, but she refused to give him the emotional connection usually found in equal partnerships. He was blinded by his love for her and revolved his life depending on her work schedule. If her shift ends in the morning, Michael will be at her apartment at lunch time and if her work ends in the afternoon, he will come to her around dinner time. Schmitz never acknowledged him as person and dominated their shortlived affair by the power she had over his sexuality.

When she left, he was devastated. He recovered and resumed his daily routine, but he never really got over her in his entire lifetime. Of his memory of her, he says, "But at a certain point the memory of her stopped accompanying me wherever I went. She stayed behind, the way a city stays behind as a train pulls out of the station. It's there, somewhere behind you, and you could go back and make sure of it. But why should you?" However, his relationships with other women always paled in comparison with the ideal "Hanna." Michael always thought they didn't move, or smell a certain way and was perpetually looking for the image of his young love in his later romantic relationships.

Michael remains unhappy for most of his life. He maintains a subtle veneer of self-confidence bordering on arrogance but inside, he experiences a deep-seated unhappiness. He muses, "Why? Why does what was beautiful suddenly shatter in hindsight because it concealed dark truth? Why does the memory of years of happy marriage turn to gall when our partner is revealed to have had a lover all those years? Because such a situation makes it impossible to be happy? But we were happy! Sometimes the memory of happiness cannot stay true because it ended unhappily. Because happiness is only real if it lasts forever?"

Michael meets his lover again in a court trial. He instantly recognizes her but has no feelings left for her. Hanna Schmitz spent her time away from him working as an SS woman guard for the Third Reich. She stands accused of murdering labor camp prisoners by not allowing them to get out of a burning chapel. He attends daily the trial meetings but doesn't make an effort to communicate to her. He discovers Hanna's lifelong secret that could save her from a certain death verdict. Frau Hanna Schmitz is an illiterate. She cannot read nor write and would rather die unjustly to keep this shameful secret from the prying world. Thus, he realizes the reason behind her insistence of him reading aloud great works of literature during their trysts.

He wants to save Hanna but doesnt want to superimpose his will upon her choice of silence and shame over her knowledge disability. But in the end, he chooses to save her by telling the judge the truth of her condition and so she receives a lighter sentence, that of a lifetime imprisonment. This was his own version of revenge over Hanna's powerplay all throughout their doomed relationship, he says, "I couldn't make myself visit Hanna. But neither could I endure doing nothing....But I wasn't really concerned with justice. I couldn't leave Hanna the way she was, or wanted to be. I had to meddle with her, have some kind of influence and effect on her, if not directly then indirectly."

So in the end he has his revenge (or so he thought). He continues to have a relationship with Hanna by sending her cassette tapes of his readings of the works of great German literary writers. But he never sends her any personal greetings or messages. He doesnt want to give her a place in his life and instead provides a niche to contain their continued relationship. Just like the time she refused to acknowlege him and relegates his presence as a mere convenience or nuisance that one has to no choice but to deal with, he gives her his time and space at a distance. He doesn't really make a real connection with her.

Then, a day before Hanna Schmitz finally gets released after staying in prison for eighteen years, she commits suicide. She leaves a suicide note and specific instructions of her will to Michael but never addresses him in first person, "And tell him I say hello to him." In the end, she gets back the upperhand and control that she used to wield over him when he was still a fifteen year old pubescent kid.

I love this book. I would definitely rate it among the top ten percentile of my over-all favorite books. With parts of it being philosophical, I could imagine Sartre or Camus writing this although the real author is actually a professor and a practicing judge. What I love about it is its clarity, with words are almost naked and crystal clear in thoughts and nuances. Written and told in a first-person narrative, Michael Berg's life and thoughts progresses lucidly and unassumingly. And just like the main protagonist in the story, you will fall in love with the book's quiet and unassuming clear writing. Definitely a must read book for me.

Changes at the Office

2007-10-25T02:04:00.000-07:00

(An ideal career cycle: 1. assessing self 2. exploring options 3. developing skills 4. marketimg self 5.performing. I feel the need to go back to stage one to really know which way to go next.)

Our new Indian boss has arrived. He looks decent and nice. So far. However, everything I hear about Indians expats are on the negative side. I really don't know what this new leadership will bring. Aside from this, we will have a new Pinay boss officially titled as Operations Manager. I used to whine a lot about the utter "mismanagement" by my previous boss but these new changes seem daunting. I just don't know what to expect.

I really ought to get myself a new job. I feel now that my end is near for this company. One year and counting, I haven't gotten myself to the point where I can honestly say that I even "like" my job. This is not me. Several critiques regarding my work ethics has been raised by suspicious co-workers. I am really not like this. I know myself to be honest, dedicated and even at times sincerely "hard-working". Maybe my heart is really not into this line of work and that is why no matter how hard I try, the passion is just not there. I feel that for me to truly love my work I should be able to identify myself with what I do. I cannot be estranged with my job. "Love your work and you will never have to work again for the rest of your life." Oh how I wish I could be in this state right now.

Business as Usual

2007-10-23T19:48:00.001-07:00

(PGMA visits and shops at Glorietta 2, the site of the deadly bombing, just 4 days after the incident.)

To project that malls are perfectly safe to visit these days, PGMA dropped by to inspect and shop at the Glorietta shopping mall complex yesterday 23 Oct 2007. The message the government strongly and loudly wants to bring forth is that it is "business as usual." Meanwhile, the underlying and real message of this brave act is this, "mindless middle-class herd, go back to your senseless shopping and window-shopping, please."

Funny, but this scene reminds me of the time when Thaksin Shinatwara, erstwhile Prime Minister of Thailand (he was unexpectedly booted out by the military) forced his ministers to eat fried chickens when the predominantly Buddhist country was ravaged by the bird flu virus. During that period, Thaksin didn't want to admit that Thailand was hit by the dreaded bird disease despite suspicious massive death of chickens in their countryside. He was adamant that the chickens died by some other disease aside and not the fatal bird flu strain. So to prove his point, he made a show of eating fried chickens publicly together with his government ministers. However, a few weeks or months later, he did admit the truth. Thailand was indeed hit by the bird flu virus, and subsequent human deaths were reported as a result of the deadly bird strain. What was going on the head of those ministers when they willingly smiled at cameras and muched those potentially life-threathening fried chickens? I can only wonder. I reckon they were forced by Thaksin to chomp those crispy fried chickens and didn't much have of a choice given that their jobs were on the line but still, what could have they been thinking?

I, myself, dropped by at the Glorietta the day PGMA arrived there. Forced by the relentless rain to the take the FX taxi bound to Landmark, I found the Glorietta mall virtually empty. The usually jampacked restaurants had only a few diners here and there. People are still obviously scared over what happened and cannot be fooled by assurances that everything is fine and dandy again. Around this time, teeming with eager early Christmas shoppers, the Glorietta shopping mall complex is almost always filled to the brim. But now, the place is unusually cold and desolate-looking. It still has a pungent smell which is perhaps caused by the unexpexted blast. Things will never be the same again. Business will never be the same as usual. No matter the amount of cajoling from government officials, including the president, I will never ever forget what took place on that unfortunate Friday afternoon. The lapse of security measures means that Glorietta can be targeted again and again. Although it is highly unlikely that it will be a target again anytime soon as the principle of "lightning not striking the same area twice" generally applies, still it is "better to be safe than sorry."

Deconstructing Harry Potter

2007-10-23T02:24:00.000-07:00

(JK Rowling, which rhymes with bowling and not howling, the only billionaire author in the world who earned her riches through her widely successful Harry Potter series. It is so hard to believe that she used to live off government support before her tumultuous public acclaim.)

Let me start off by saying that I love the Harry Potter (HP) series. My friend Les was adamant I read the book way back in college. She generously lent me the first three HP books and midway through the third book of the series, I was definitely hooked. I was practically begging for her to give the fourth book as soon as I finished the third one. Curiously, the HP books had the same effect on my non-reading sister. I nonchalantly advised her to read the first book saying she might enjoy reading it despite her engineering background. Soon, she got addicted just like me and even bought her own copies of the book just so she could read and re-read it again.

I often say that my favorite book in the series is the second one. I find the second one the funniest and most charming of all. Harry, at this stage, is still a fresh and hopeful young 14-year old boy still in love and at awe with his new environment. As the series continues, Harry grows up, becomes accustomed to his wizarding world and shows his darker mature side. As most book critics would say the entire series is a "bildungsroman" of the main character, Harry Potter. As such, the first book, which serves an introduction to the entire seven-book series, is the shortest book of all. I daresay the best-written book in the series is the third one as it provides the best mystery of all. All of the seven books is basically a whodunnit mystery novel with a heightening climax from chapter to chapter. The HP books are simply "unput-downable" and you will end up staying awake all night as you rush to know how it will end. Highly controversial from the beginning because of its sorcery and witchcraft theme, the HP series breaks all of the record for the most number of book sold at the fastest possible time. We should all thank the book's author, JK Rowling, for making reading such a cool thing for children and even adults to do again. Children the world over would line-up the bookstores every time a new book in the series is up again. Personally, I find the series amazing because it is craftily written for the enjoyment of children and adults alike, and everything about the plot is highly original and creative. JK Rowling transports us to a new world, both childlike and magical, which is something beyond our imagination. She brings to life new characters and gives a new twist and look to ordinary things we take for granted. I for one believe that the HP series will the stand the test of time and will be adjudged as one of best books or series in the years to come. In fact, when my own daughter, nicknamed JK, (her name stands for those initials, plus I am such an incorrigible fan) starts reading, we will read together the entire HP series.

The last and highly anticipated book of the series came out in the mid quarter of this year. It was a bittersweet moment for most fans. They wanted and longed for the book's ending and yet they were reluctant to let it go. JK Rowling was clear from the beginning that she will end the series at Book 7 and yet I for one simply wanted her to go on. I wanted her to write about Harry Potter from his babyhood upto his dying day. Heck, if she could write about Harry for eternity, I would still be interested to read it one book at a time. I was lucky enough to get a bootlegged soft copy of the last book before it officially hit the bookstores. As such, I was able to read the book before fellow book addicts got their legitimate hard-bound pricey copies.

More recently, the last book, HP7, again gained headline news as JK Rowling surprisingly outed the reverent and almost godly figure of Albus Dumblebore in her book signing trip to New York. Answering an inquiry from a child fan on whether Dumbledore will ever find true love, JK Rowling simply said, "Dumbledore is gay." This answer elicited gasps and applause from a stupefied audience. I don't know what to make out of this recent relevation. It just reminds me of the time it was rumored that my fave Sesame muppets of all time, Ernie and Bert, are actually gay lovers. It was said that the producers of the show were prepared to sacrifice one character by letting it die on national tv as a result of the sexually transmitted HIV virus. (WTF!) Accordingly, they wanted to promote sexual education and gay rights to the conciousness of young children. While being politically correct, all I could think of at that point was, why can't they just keep my childhood favorite character innocent and childlike. So when I heard about this recent outing of Dumbledore, all I could think of is why can't she just let me keep this all-knowing and all-powerful godly image of this well-loved character.

Firstly, unlike others who doubted or sensed that Dumbledore's character might be gay because of his apparent lack of love interest in the series, I never once thought of Dumbledore as gay. My idea of him resembles that of St. Thomas Aquinas, John Paul II and most priests in general. Just because they lack an obvious lady love doesn't mean they are gay. That is not to say that all priests aren't gay because sadly, controversies have erupted over sexual indiscretions of Catholic gay priests. I thought of Dumbledore in this highest regard, his apparent lack of love interest was justfied in my mind by his Socratic love of wisdom and truth. Naturally, he wouldn't have time to think about human love as he was thoroughly engaged in his quiet and passionate love of wisdom and universal ideals. So all the while this noble version of Dumblebore was apparently incorrect. Maybe he is the same wise and venerable character I loved but his uncharacteristic lack of a romantic lady love was not all due to his scholarly quest for wisdom, but simply because of his sexual orientation.

I love JK Rowling and the HP series just the same. All literary works stands to be constructed, deconsructed and reconstructed to the author's and reader's content. In fact, in literary criticism, it is a rule of the thumb that the author must never interpret his own work, otherwise, he/she will unwittingly limit the reading of the work in one voice or light only. I am sure JK Rowling chose to stay quiet about Dumbledore's real idendity for a good reason. Revealing him as an openly gay character might attract unneccesary attention to the book and offend the sensibilities of her young audience. Although I know Dumbledore's sexual preference should not affect his noble status in the book, I still can't bring myself to reconcile this perfect scholar idea I had of Dumbledore to the outed "real" Dumbledore. It's almost the same as discovering for the first time that Sir Ian McKellen, who resembles Dumbledore's character in appearance and personality and plays Gandalf, the noble wizard role in another literary gem, Lord Of the Rings series, is actually gay in real life. I just dont get it.

I am not homophobic. I am consciously respectful of other people's ethnic, racial, and sexual differences. (I even have a lesbian friend.) I almost always practice political, religious and gender neutrality. It's just that when you suddenly find out somebody you thought of as the epitome of manhood and saintliness is gay, of course, my normal reaction is that of shock and fear even. Perhaps its the same as the people in the olden times suddenly finding out that the world is round and not flat as previously believed. They set their ship to sail forever fearful of falling off the edges only to find out that they won't fall at all. So your whole world and outlook suddenly turns upside down, inside out. You experience a sense vertigo as you no longer know which is which. I guess the world is really like that, its not a simple matter of seeing white as white and black as black. We live in a gray gay world indeed.

Dark Friday: Glorietta 2 Bombing

2007-10-21T20:26:00.000-07:00

(A human face of the tragedy: Jeanne de Gracia, among the 11 dead of the G2 bombing last Friday. Lest we forget. )

“But soon we shall die and all memory of those five will have left the earth, and we ourselves shall be loved for a while and forgotten. But the love will have been enough; all those impulses of love return to the love that made them. Even memory is not necessary for love. There is a land of the living and a land of the dead and the bridge is love, the only survival, the only meaning.”

Tony Blair, speaking at the memorial service for the victims of the 9/11 tragedy, quoted a passage from “The Bridge of San Luis Rey.”

Last Friday, 19 October 2007, a portion of Glorietta 2 was unceremoniously bombed leaving at present 11 dead and 110 others wounded or injured. I was at the office when I first heard about the news, just minutes after the bombing occured. At first, sketchy reports of a possible LPG explosion from a groundfloor G2 Luk Yuen Restaurant was said to have caused the blast. I felt no sense of alarm at this point. Some 20-30 minutes later, intial photos from the blast were already blogged online. At this point, it became clearer that this was not an ordinary accident. 8 people were immediately reported as dead and 40 others as injured. The photos of the bombing showed extensive damage of properties. Cars were upturned, windows and glasses shattered and rubbles were everywhere. Clearly, Glorietta 2 was intentionally bombed.

I pass by this shopping complex on a daily basis. I take the passenger FX taxi on the lower ground level of the MRT Ayala line. For Php 30 per ride, this FX taxi will take me directly a block away from parent's house in Villamor. Incidentally, this same MRT line was bombed two years ago in what is now tagged as Valentine's Day Bombing as it happened exactly on the day of hearts. This terrorist act was actually a three simultaneous bombing attacks that occured on three separate citiies of Manila, Davao and Gen. Santos. The Al-Qaeda linked Abu Sayyaf ragtag group claimed responsibility for the attack that was said to be their "Valentine's gift to President Gloria Arroyo." Ironically, about the same number of people were among the casualties in this tripartite bombing attacks. 11 people were killed and about 90 others wounded when separate buses in Manila and Davao exploded coupled by the shopping mall blast in Gen. Santos. Prior to this, one more notable bombing incident that will be forever etched in memory is the Rizal Day Bombing which occured on a national holiday, the 30th of December 2000 or more populary known as Jose Rizal's death anniversary. On that fateful day, 22 lives were lost, around 100 wounded in a five-fold attack in various locations in Metro Manila, the most deadly of which is the LRT bombing that took place at the Blumentritt station.

I will never forget this incident simply because I used the LRT back then on an almost daily basis as well. It was the easiest, fastest and cheapest route for me as college (UST) student. I only had to suffer the indignity of being squished and cramped in the train cab for about half an hour but at least it will save me from two hours of traffic in terms of travel time as opposed to the traditional jeepney ride. I had a good deal. Unfortunately, 3 million others thought of the same idea so I had to ride with almost the same number of people daily. The mental picture that would come to mind is that of a fish trapped in a can of sardines. Stuck as if almost glued to somebody else's body, I no longer cared which body part touches another sensitive body part of mine. All I wanted was a (fucking) ride home. This was the same thought that crossed the mind of the teeming masses who rode the LRT train that unfortunate day. All they wanted was a bleeping ride home. A ride home that never got them home (unless home in this case is meant as heavenly home.) I could easily have been on that tragic train ride with them.

I remember crying on that day as I cannot forget the innocent boy whose body was badly burned as a direct result of the bombing. He became the face of the nameless and faceless other victims of that gruesome act. He was visited by then President Joseph Estrada and was given and promised all sorts of help to mitigate the effect of his young life's tragedy. I also remember being angry at Estrada simply because he was the president. I held him accountable for what happened and ironically enough, like the current state of PGMA, was in deep political crisis at that time. I deeply wonder if there is any link between these two seemingly random events. It must be recalled that previous administration, namely that of deposed dictator Marcos' regime, was credited for being personally responsible for dubious communist attacks in the metropolis before carrying out the dreaded Martial Law decree. It was done in the past and so it is not completely beyond logic to think and hypothesize that it could be done again. If truth be told, PGMA stands much to gain with this recent bombing as the country's attention is diverted from the on-going political crisis. Just before this atrocious incident, the bribe-giving aka gift-sharing debacle that happened right inside the supposedly majestic halls of Malacanan Palace was hugging the newspapers spotlight.

Justly or unjustly so, many Filipinos believe that PGMA has something to do with this G2 bombing incident. Oppositionist Senator and one time coup d e tat plotter, former Naval Lt. Sg. Antonio Trillanes IV was quick to point an accusing finger at National Security Adviser Norberto Gonzales and AFP Chief of Staff Hermogenes Esperon as the perpetrators of the crime. The accused two were equally quick to react by calling for an investigation of Trillanes over his allegations. Incidentally, despite being duly elected as Senator of this land by a mandate of more than 11 million untampered votes, Trillanes at this point is still languishing in jail for his political crime of dethroning an (illegal) president. They call to investigate Trillanes when he is clearly beyond the bounds of possible suspects, what with him being already in jail, and as such waste their efforts on finding out who the real perpetrators are. A certain Sheik Omar of the Rajah Solaiman Revolutionary Movement had promptly claimed responsibility over the attack but security analysts were fast to dismiss such claims as they questioned the authenticity of the voice of Omar during the on-air radio interview as well as the capacity of the said group to launch an attack.

Personally, the timing of the attack is highly suspect. The aim is clearly is not to create a catastrophic number of casualty but to plainly and coldly send a message. The attack occured at around 2 pm, way beyond the usual lunchtime of workers in the Makati area. If the perpertrators simple plan is to wreak havoc as big as possible, they could have planted the bomb at around 5 or 6pm, which is the peak time for passersby and mallgoers in Glorietta. Instead of just having 11 people dead, they could easily have more than 100 dead if acted upon a this precise time. Take the Bali Bombing that occured in Indonesia on 12 Oct 2002 for example. This bombing incident instantly killed more than 200 people, most of whom are foreigners and injured the same number of people. In this case, the motive was plain and simple, and that is to kill as many as possible. And so the suicide bombers acted out their plan at the most opportune time and at the best possible location for maximum impact and damage. It doesn't take intensive logistical intelligence to know that G2 or the entire of Glorietta mall is jampacked around after office hours. However, either by a stroke of pure luck or cunning evil genius, they opted to plant the bomb at the time when it had the least possible impact, at an hour way past lunchtime. One really good question now is this, "Why choose this dead hour to plan a bombing attack if your motive is only to kill as many as possible?"

Currently, the possible theory being raised by police officials is that the blast was purely an accident, saying there is a "high level of certainty" that the explosion was caused "by the presence of certain structures underground." Accordingly, toxic combination of methane gases located in the underground level of G2 accidentally leaked and caused the massive explosion. I am not buying this. UP Chemical Engineering experts are not buying it either and thus cautioned the police for laying out such unfounded theories that might beffudle the public. If I were to believe this version of events, then I might as well say that George W. Bush waged a war against Iraq because of their hidden Weapons of Mass Destruction (WMD). The amount of rubbish that our officials would want us take as gospel truth is unbelievable. Having worked for the military institution before, I very well know that it is within their means to twist the truth for the sake of "national security." Not everybody deserves to know the truth, especially if it will only cause national pandemonium. So they most probably conclude that it is for country's best interest for the masses to continually litter our superfluous malls for its apparent economic benefit. Better to tell the public a softer version of the events than to admit and subseqently explain a bombing attack that was successfully launched right under their noses.

The bombing of Super Ferry 14 last February 27, 2004 is a clear example of such a deception. It is now officially dubbed as the "the Philippines' worst terrorist attack and the world's deadliest terrorist attack at sea", killing 63 people instantly with 53 others missing and presumed dead. Initially, the deadly explosion was passed off as an accident caused by a faulty gas leak. However, 8 months later, PGMA admitted on October 11, 2004 that the bombing was indeed a terrorist attack. But by then, the Super Ferry bombing attack hardly made any impact on public consciousness. The time they acknowledged it wasn't the case, the public already forgot what the news was even all about. So it wasn't difficult for them to make excuses as to how such an attack was not prevented by "intelligence information." When they revealed the attack as a glaring breach of national security, the public simply no longer cared. Is this a brilliant coincidence, a mere happenstance that conveniently saved our security officials from public condemnation over their faulty intelligence gathering and information? I don't think so.

Everytime confronted by a unexpected tragedy flat on the face, I am always reminded of how fleeting life truly is. You can never really know when your "end" will be. You can just be strolling by the mall idly passing away your time and for all you know it would be the last minutes of your life. Such is what happened to the victims of the G2 bombing incident. Sadly, the metropolis is no longer a safe place to live in. The bombing incidents that happened in the last five years or so could have easily taken away my life just like that. I would have been robbed of my life, of my youth and of every potentiality I could ever become with hardly a blink of an eye. I must always remember this---to savor every breath I take, to enjoy every moment I make and to live my life the fullest possible way I can.

World Hunger

2007-10-16T22:18:00.000-07:00

"The pain of life overrides the joy to the point that joy does not exist."

These were the last words of Kevin Carter, the famed ill-fated photojournalist who took this Pulitzer award winning picture of a malnourished Sudanese girl being stalked a hungry vulture. At that time, majority of the population in Sudan were experiencing extreme hunger because of a bitter civil war. In an interview, Carter said the girl was walking her way towards a food camp and later resumed her travel after taking this brief respite. He shooed away the vulture afterwards. Reportedly, after taking this photo, "he sat under a tree for a long time, smoking cigarettes and crying." Carter committed suicide two months after receiving his award.

The picture of this dying girl is simply heart and gut-wrenching. It was taken 14 years ago by Kevin Carter, a South African photojournalist who was most probably haunted by the girl's image so much so that it contributed to his suicide. More than a decade had passed and yet this picture still evokes the same amount of emotion as if it were taken yesterday. Now that I am a mother I cannot help but visualize the face of my own baby in that child's face. Carter was condemned for being a mere spectator in this instance. He was ridiculed for not actively helping the child and for choosing to just take this stark image. But how many of us can honestly say that we would have done otherwise? That we would not have turned a blind eye and instead be moved to action given the same circumstance?

Not everybody knows this, myself included, but there is an event called as World Food Day celebrated last Oct 16. Accordingly, at present times, "some 854 million people, or about one in seven, lack sufficient food." If you put it this way, in cold mathematical and logical terms, it fails to have the same agonizing effect as evinced by one girl's dying image. This little girl represents the "50,000 people dying every day because of extreme poverty." It is appalling to think that in this modern day and age of technology and advancement, literally millions are still dying out there for the want of proper food. In the Philippines alone, it is reported that 17% of Filipinos live in extreme poverty. That figure sounds and looks innocuous and doesn't seem reflective of the child beggars I see dangerously plying the streets of the metro on a daily basis.

There is no stopgap solution to world hunger or local hunger for that matter. It is not simply a matter of giving away excess food and money to the needy. The Philippine government's solution to the country's own hunger problem is to allocate a Php 1 billion peso fund to finance temporary feeding centers and projects for the extremely impoverished sector of the society. But this barely scratches the surface of the problem. Like terrorism, communism and other ideological conflicts this world is currently experiencing, the problem of hunger is deeply rooted and cannot be resolved overnight. But unlike ideological, political and philosophical issues, the problem of poverty speaks to us in a universal language, one that cuts through cultural differences and demands our immediate attention and action regardless of our race, religion and skin color. Hunger knows no boundaries. Hunger is the same for all, it is one of humanity's great equalizer, just like death.

We are touched by this dying girl's image because it speaks to us in this universal language. It is the same language that reminds us all of our humanity. It speaks to our hearts and awakens our soul. We remember that we are human because we all grieve and cry over this. We grieve and cry for the little girl, but we grieve and cry also for ourselves.

Scattered Thoughts on Money and Happiness

2007-10-15T23:28:00.000-07:00

"Happiness is a warm puppy."

Today's headline screams about the unabashed bribery by the Arroyo government of local officials to keep the so-called President in power. Apparently, after a meeting/party hosted by Malacanang officials, Congressmen who attended the event were each given fat envelopes with amounts varying from Php 200,000 to 150,000. Called as a early Christmas bonus, these extravagant gifts were handed away to keep their loyalty in favor of the present President. After the brouhaha brought about by the NBN deal fiasco, the Arroyo government feels the pressure and wants to be on the offensive by fielding a sham and weak impeachment complaint in order to effectively shield Arroyo from a potentially damaging real impeachment move. It must be recalled that the law protects incumbent presidents from power-play political manueverings by only allowing one impeachment case to be filed per year. So technically in legal parlance, if you file a impeachment complaint this year and it turns out to be a dud, you have to wait for one whole before you could take the only legal action of throwing out a President.

I am in the state of doldrums these days. I am still reeling from the pang of betrayal and lie by a loved one. Can a trust lost be ever fully regained? Where do you find the courage to stand up and pick up the pieces after you knowingly brought destruction to yourself? How do you find strength on your own? As I wallow in despair and soak myself in the pain of denial, my mind struggle to find the answers to these eternal questions. I breathe in sadnesss and breathe out anger by turns. I ask myself the question "why" a countless times. Immobilized by despair, I move automatically like a robot. Trapped by the daily routines of my insipid life, I spend the day doing what is expected of me like a chore and devoid of any sense of purpose and passion. Where do I go from here? How do I get myself back, if ever I had "it" in the first place?

Just last week, a meeting with an old friend provided me with much needed comical relief. Fresh from her recent trip to Korea, she regaled me with her stories of adventures and misadventures. She told me that the elitist or "sosyal" afternoon snack in Korea is would you believe sweet potatoes or "kamote" coupled with hot white milk. Koreans, being consciously healthy, even add kamote as toppings to their pizza. Philippine bananas are also a big hit in Korea and only the rich can afford them there. The temperate loving banana stalks refuses to grow in their country's cold and wintry weather. So they have no choice but to import their bananas here and purchase them in Korea at ludicrous prices. What I find so amusing about these stories is the apparent irony of it all. What the rich classes eat in Korea, the poor folks here in Pinas have in abundance. I cannot help but notice that there seems to be a leveling of some sort between their rich and our poor. No wonder Koreans come to the Philippines in great droves. They can eat whatever their elite class can in stupendous abundance. If Koreans knew that only the truly poor ones in the country are forced to eat kamote and bananas, particularly in the rural areas, when the staple food rice is not around, I wonder, if they would still consider these fruits as a symbol status of "kasosyalan."

So I am left with the safe conclusion that indeed the value of money and happiness are relative. Money may seem to make the world go round and may bring happiness to most people but there is more underneath. So much more. Bribing money to gain friends and support, a political move perfected by the current administration, may give them their desired goal for the time being but not forever. Sooner or later they may run out of friends once they ran out of money. The goods that people buy for a hefty amount of money for the ultimate purpose of finding happiness and getting satisfied may be of no value at all to others. While some may even get it for free and yet still find no satisfaction despite of its superfluous presence. Happiness has different a face for everyone. It is not easily recognizable as its form varies from one person to the next. But happiness in order to be true and lasting must come from within. Only "you" can tell what can make you truly happy. So I ask myself again, "What makes me happy?"

Heavenly

2007-10-07T23:40:00.000-07:00

(Sr. Ana Cielo Matuloy, the one with a white halo over her head.)

I just miss this woman. Her name is Ana Cielo, the latter name means heaven in Spanish. She used to be a close college friend and we even maintained our bond beyond the shallow confines of school to include working life, until one day she decided to become a nun. It wasn't a sudden, smack-me-in-face revelation for I always knew all along that she would take the plunge, it was just a question of "when." So when she did tell me about it I wasn't exactly shell-shocked by her decision but I wasn't particularly happy about it as well. It's not the same as your friend telling you that she's about to get married, you know for a fact that the change of status would entail lessened quality time together as friends, but for Cielo, her change of status would mean no time at all to share with her friends, family and other loved ones. She has to devote her entire time to her vocation. That is why even her immediate family, who very well knew that she would become one day a nun for she unflinchingly revealed her calling even in her younger years, was not totally accepting of her decision. But in the end, they, just like her friends had to relent as we all knew that this would be the only thing that would ever make her truly happy.

I write this note to let her know that I miss her so much. To say that she got me through the end of my college years is an underestimation. She did that and more. She was the one who inspired me study harder, as I was always determined to get a better grade than she did. She was always my gauge, if my test scores belonged in the median of hers (for she always topped the class), I would be perfectly happy and contented with myself. I was striving to get the better of her and was constanly upset if she received a point higher than mine, a fact I never verbalized though until now. She graduated cum Laude, the only person to do so in our class. However, not everybody knows the fact that she had no idea of her grade point average during her first and second years in college, as it never reached their house in a rural sea village in Batangas. She is a born genius, I would love to say. She is the youngest of four siblings, a product of a late and unexpected pregnancy by her aging mother. So they say, a menopausal baby would either turn out as a genius or "downie." Luckily, Cielo turned out to be the former, as she topped every class, every exam that came along her school days. She even managed to get a flat one in our Physical Examination (PE) classes for Pete's sake. She just topped them all, I guess.

But this not the most amazing thing about her. The world is quite teeming with all sorts of geniuses in variegated fields, both specific and general, both profound and banal, but she is quite extraordinary. She is a personification, a material presence and being of goodness. She has the brains but more importantly, she posseses the heart that makes her stand out as a human being. She also happens to my friend and I am so lucky. Whenever I think about the values of Christian ethics and standards, firsly I am reminded of JPII, the Pope of our century and my lifetime, secondly of Mother Teresa, the great nun of Calcutta, and thirdly of Cielo, my old friend and college buddy. I may not know those two reverred icons personally, but knowing her is enough to attest that truly, good people still exists in this planet. The quality that makes her goodness quite unique is that she extends this not only to a chosen few, which most of us are guilty of, but she gives it generously away to almost everybody and anybody who seeks her help. She offers goodness before you ask for it. I remember this one time that she offered free tutorial services to some of our classmates who experienced difficulty in one subject even if it meant inconvenience on her part. She actually had to stay in the class and spend time with people who are not particularly friendly to her just to simply "help" them. She did not crave for fame and had no political aspirations in our class but she helped them just the same out of the plain goodness of her heart.

Cielo, wherever your chosen path may lead you, I just want you to know that I will never forget you. In times of my darkest despair, it is you that I remember. I remind myself of the images of your goodness, your bits and pieces of wacky advice, and above all your unfailing belief in the goodness of my own heart. If somebody like you can stand to be with me and call me a friend, then I still have hope. I will continually pray for the day that you and I will meet again. When that time comes, I hope you will still call me as your friend. You may be a full-fledged nun at that time and I, a full-fledged mother and wife, but hopefully we can still meet eye to eye and laugh and understand each other's word perfectly like we used to. You may have married God (JC) but I do hope that you still have time to share and spare for ordinary people like me who just professed love to a regular man. You may soon be the paradigm of the extraordinariness and I, of drab ordinariness but I hope that you will still love me like you used to.

I miss you so much friend. That is the long and short of all of this.

And the Plot Thickens

2007-09-25T22:03:00.000-07:00

(The man of the hour. A caricature of Chairman Romulo Neri of Commission on Higher Education, who was trasferred to this post from NEDA after rejecting the ZTE broadband deal.)

"The truth is incontrovertible, malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end, there it is."---Winston Churchill

The quest for the truth behind the much talked about NBN-ZTE contract has become Arthurian in nature. Calls for the lofty ideals of truthfulness, integrity and honor are being made of the government officials summoned to appear and testify at the Senate. Following "Joey" or Jose de Venecia III's explosive testimony, the next man to be literally grilled on the proverbial kitchen sink or burner is former National Economic Development Authority (NEDA) Secretary and now Commission on Higher Education (CHED) Chairman Romulo Neri. He was apparently transferred to this new post after his former office flatly rejected the ZTE proposal. Just today, 26 Sep 07, appearing with Commission on Elections (Comelec) Benjamin Abalos on the Senate hearing, he recalled how the former offered him Php 200 million in kickback if he were to push through with the now ballyhooed deal. To quote Abalos, "me 200 ka dyan Secretary." He said he assumed it was P200 million “given the magnitude of the project...Siguro hindi naman P200 or P200,000.” Apparently, he couldn't stomach the negotiation, rejected the ZTE proposal and informed PGMA of the nefarious offer by Abalos. He further revealed that the President ordered him to reject the offer.

But what he and the president further discussed regarding the controversial project, he simply refused to reveal by invoking the blanket of protection offered by Executive Order 464. One must recall that this executive order, which was ingeniously drafted at the height of the Hello Garci controversy, bars pertinent government officials from discussing issues which involves “conversations with the President.” Essentially, it is an all-encompassing gag order which restricts officials from giving testimonies in a public hearing say, in the Senate or in the Congress, which could prove damning to the executive office. It is a two-edged sword which prevents the official from perjuring himself and the highest official in the land, the President, herself. As such, EO 464 is the main escape route of officials who are burdened by the knowledge of the truth but doesn't want to run the risk of outrightly telling a lie. They can keep their blessed silence by simply invoking this seemingly innocuous executive order and instantly free themselves of the task of telling the nerve-wracking truth or a convoluted lie. (It takes fun out of the game if you ask me.)

The real story behind the NBN-ZTE broadband deal is becoming more and more complicated, with additional characters coming to light as the days go by. With the plot thickening, it threatens to spill over and implicate the President herself. What does she truly know about the broadband deal? Was she aware of her huband's supposed contentious involvement? And more importantly, why is Comelec Chairman Abalos even a part of this issue when his primary concern in the government is the "counting" of votes come election time? Is there any special link behind his involvement in the deal?

In the end, we all just all want to know the truth. Truth that will hopefully set us free--finally.

Final Bow

2007-09-21T01:30:00.000-07:00

I can't believe this! My boss is finally leaving us. After almost a year of constant (yet silent) complaints of his ineffeciency, he is finally bidding us adieu. What do I say to a man who refused to accept my resignation letter and asked me to consider another job description (which I did accept in the end). I can't say he made an excellent decision by letting me stay in the company but still, you gotta appreciate the gesture. I still don't think I make a right fit in my current profession. I know there is something more between the lines when he said he was simply "taking another offer he cannot refuse." But I wish him all the best still. Despite his lack of management skills, he always the prim and proper British boss one could hope for. As the Brits say, "Cheers mate!"

What's the Deal with the NBN Deal?

2007-09-18T20:35:00.000-07:00

( Is he telling the truth? Photo above is the son of House Speaker Jose de Venecia, "Joey" de Venecia or Jose de Venecia III)

Deal?

The latest government scandal to hit the newsstands these days is the National Broadband Network (NBN) and ZTE contract broadband deal. To put it plainly, this shady agreement amounting to US$329 million dollars (PhP 25 billion) was signed between the RP government and the Chinese company, ZTE Corp., to provide the Philippine government agencies a national broadband connection. ZTE will sponsor the loan and infrastructure for a mere 3 percent interest per annum which will interconnect all national agencies from Luzon to Mindanao, a supposedly a good idea as this will ensure faster and better services of the pertinent government agencies. Moreso, this deal will also pave the way for cyber or E-education to reach the public schools nationwide as they will be also given free internet access which includes a 20-30 minutes footage of educational materials to beef up their declining quality of education. This is purportedly a bright idea given the dearth of public school teachers and more importantly, their inadequacy of good teaching skills due to lack of training. It would be like hitting two birds in one stone. The government gets to resolve the lack of teachers or quality teachers for that matter, by simply giving away computers with internet connection to rural schoolkids. They get to have instant teachers, with quality education and skills by just watching live internet feed from the tv sets. Viola, problem, instantly solved! And not only that, this particular benefit is just a small consequence of the greater broadband connection. In theory, the deal will benefit the government by saving millions of pesos in terms of telephone bills and internet connection access as it will magically interconnect the entire national government agencies for more efficient and speedier public service.

It all sounds so good to be true. And it is. Two months after signing the agreement, the real picture suddenly comes all out in the open, ugly insinuations of muti-million dollar kickbacks by several high profile government officials were revealed by a virtual unknown in the Philippine politics radar. His namesake and father, is a political heavyweight, a presidential loser and wannabe for the longest time, but he himself is a private businessman who goes by the unassuming name Joey. His real full name is Jose de Venecia III.

The burning question now is, "Is he telling the truth?" What are his motives for allegedly speaking the truth, for brazenly burning political bridges by sharing to the Senate damning accusations against the close allies of his father? Yesterday, 18 Sep, Joey or JDV III, attended the Senate hearing regarding the controversial NBN deal and even showed them how the FG Mike Arroyo, who hurriedly left the country for a "long-planned" trip, brownbeat him in staying out of the government deal. Prior to this, he already claimed on national tv that Comelec Chairman Abalos brokered the deal for ZTE to win the government contract against other foreign bidders which includes his own Amsterdam Holdings Inc. He was supposedly offered a US$ 10 million dollars bribe just to stay out of the government sponsored deal. But then burdened by the weight of his conscience, he felt compelled to reveal that the deal was overpriced by at least US$ 130 million just to accommodate kickbacks of top government officials, not excluding the President's omnipresent husband.

Or No Deal?

More recently, PGMA announced that she was suspending the NBN contract because it was generating much unwanted "political noise." She reiterated that the suspension would be a step back to the cyber highway and E-progress that her government promised but that she was left with no choice as her political detractors were unneccesarily fussing over the legality of the said contract. New SWS ratings showed her satisfaction rating was at its worst, garnering a negative eleven (-11) percent approval rating, partly due to the recently concluded Estrada plunder case and the controversial contract. Still, government officials claim that the suspension will be a disservice to the country as this deal will purportedly save the government Php 20 billion in the first five years alone and Php 60 billion in the next twenty years. Apparently, the government spends about Php 4 billion annually for its telecommunication expenses. Where they got the exact mathematical figures for the savings is beyond the logic of explanation.

Ironically, it was Joey or JDV III who served as the "bridge" to link PGMA and JDV back in 1998. It must be recalled that PGMA was the winning Vice President of then presidential hopeful JDV. At that time, though a political novice, Arroyo made a good name for herself as a Senator (and was highly popular because of her uncanny resemblance to Nora Aunor in her political posters) but wasn't JDV's top choice as VP partner. His primary choice then was late Senator Barbers ( recall Garci scandal) and or Tito Sotto, the actor-politician, who subsequently lost in the 2007 Senatorial election, primarily for being an actor. Filipinos are rather fickle-minded in their choice of political leaders. At one point, being a popular tv personality is enough to ensure one of a stable political career in whichever seat and province or city you may want to be. But seeing that tv actors/personalities is no guarantee for a graft-free and corruption-less political environment, voters soon shunned these popular figures as suitable political candidates. There are always exceptions to the rule, of course, one major point in case is the Star for all Season and renowned dramatic actress Vilma Santos, who won a landslide victory as the governor of Batangas province. But still, the rule of the thumb these days is that you can't expect your pleasant-looking face and affable personality to assure you of a political victory, qualities which were good enough some five or ten years ago.

Indeed, the Philippine political milieu changes in the blink of an eye. One minute, you're the hottest political star on the rise and the next second you are out of the game. As such, it is highly important that one knows how to play one's political cards correctly. PGMA knows the value of this. If not for her adept political manuevering, she wouldn't be PGMA nor she would have stayed as PGMA. How she will temper the latest political storm resulting from this NBN deal is a classic study for all political enthusiasts and students alike. My bet is that she could still find a way out of this conundrum and maintain her mighty act that she is still only commencing the deal for the benefit and good of this confused nation.

So is it a deal or no deal?

Memories of a Long Ago Summer

2007-09-14T02:43:00.000-07:00

(The Nabasan Beach in Subic, the very same beach discussed in the poem below. Following Heraclitus' principle of change, it is not the same beach I chanced upon five years ago. The beach itself is not the same and so am I. )

Inspired by the lone summer trip that we took as a group of four single twenty-something girls five years ago, my dear old friend Les wrote me a poem which talks about the changes that happened since then and how change itself cannot be stopped. Aptly titling it, "Tales in the Sand," she likens the changes that took place between us, separately and together as friends, to the rocks that weather gradually to become the sands that we tread on the beach. Changes, she says, is inexorable, moves without our consent either for the better or the worse. I am glad to say that despite these changes in our lives, we have remained as very good friends. I post this poem here (without her knowledge) in appreciation for the many years of our friendship which began for the most trivial of reasons. Way back in highschool, Les and I became close friends as I remember her generously sharing her mathematics homework with me. She has shared so many other things with me since then and more valuable than those precious items is her gift of time and self. She has listened and seen me grow spiritually, mentally (and physically) over the years. Now, she shares her knowledge and love of philosophy by letting me "sit- in" in her feminism graduate study class. She is now my professor and I, her student. Indeed, the tides of time bring about unpredictable and crazy changes. I can't wait to know what will happen next.

Tales in The Sand

By Noelle Leslie de la Cruz

For M.R.G.

Years ago, you didn’t have a daughter yet

All four of us were single, closer to 20

Than to adulthood.

Our only out-of-town trip

Remember, that night-long drive through the forest

Passing sentinels of monkeys on the wayside

Their lax fingers dragging on the ground

And their tails curling like questions marks.

The sun had sunk behind the mountains

By the time we reached the road’s end

Where the beach poured into the bay.

You got out and ran to the water, jumping in

With all your clothes on.

We waded ankle-deep

And watched you swim as far out as you dared,

Your winged feet sinking beneath the surface

Like the phantom fins of a mermaid.

This is as close to the open sea as we can get

The warm, wet sand swirling around our limbs

I would have liked to tell you, I am changing

But my open mouth is full of sand

And I am drowning in this endless streaming

Through the funnel of God’s hourglass.

There is sand under my fingers, sand

In my damp hair and ears, sand

In my heart ground to dust as I watch you

Swim farther and farther out, until

You are a speck lost in the shifting grains.

Perhaps this is the secret of the ocean’s equanimity

And the millennial wisdom of the rocks:

Standing faithfully at the water’s edge

Against the onslaught of wind and brine, yielding

A fraction of a fraction of oneself, each year.

Just as we shed a rain of dead cells in our wake

As time passes, so too must these great rocks

Surrender to the elemental encroachment

Becoming the sandy water we swim in today.

Guilty! (for the right and wrong reasons)

2007-09-11T22:33:00.000-07:00

( A photo of Erap with son Senator Jinggoy with a sad look on his face. The father was convicted but the son was exonorated of the similar crime of plunder.)

Note: Plunder is a criminal offense legally defined as: "By taking undue advantage of official position, authority, relationship, connection or influence to unjustly enrich himself or themselves at the expense and to the damage and prejudice of the Filipino people and the Republic of the Philippines."

Today, 12 Sep 2007, a historic guilty verdict was handed down to deposed 13th Philippine president Joseph Estrada. He was convicted of the crime of plunder and sentenced to a lifetime imprisonment which carries a maximum sentence of 40 years. It is highly unlikely that the charismatic leader will carry out that lifetime sentence given that he is now 70 years of age. If he does, he will outlive his enduring mother who is now 102 years old. Seems that long life runs in the family and instead of feeling blessed, Estrada might be wary these days if he lives that long. At any rate, the guilty verdict, which doesn't come as a surprise knowing that this case is primarily a political one if truth be told, will not bother Estrada that much. He knows very well that he has the upperhand and that the government, or rather the Arroyo regime, won't dare place him in an ordinary or poor man's jail cell, as he can easily provoke the sympathy of his paid and blind minions.

That Estrada is guilty is a well known fact. However, the thing that troubles a lot of people, particularly his sympathizers is that he was the only one convicted of such a heavy crime. The charge of plunder or simply put it graft and corruption in a massive scale, is an offense committed by almost everybody in the government. Sadly, power corrupts people and if you're not morally strong enough by nature, you don't stand any chance if you opt to work for the government. One ripple cannot possibly overturn the raging river. If you dont go with the "flow", you will simply drown in the sea of murky government affairs. They will brand you as an aberration, as somebody who doesn't know how to blend in the crowd. They will mistrust you and do overything in their power to take you out of position as you are not one them. Estrada may be guilty but so are the rest of them. How come justice is not served as swiftly to others who are just as guilty as him? Seems to me that justice in this country is never blind, it is partial and only serves the interests of those who are in power.

Estrada was found guilty for all the wrong reasons. Firstly, he will never be given a non-guilty verdict as this decision will undermine the legitimacy of the Arroyo government. Regardless, that she supposedly "legitimately" won a second mandate in the last 2004 elections, the fact that her first taste of presidency might be questionable is enough reason to convict Estrada. Secondly, the Supreme Court, in the person of then SC Chief Hilario Davide, presided over the oath-taking of erstwhile Vice President Gloria Arroyo to the highest position in the land, saying that the Estrada presidency has lost its "moral" ascendancy to govern. This means that the highest court in the land legally approved the take-over. The people then cheered for the "morally" conscious, church-going and family-oriented replacement that was Arroyo. Little did we know that morality has different shades and that being outwardly moral does not guarantee inward and deeply ingrained morality after all. Six years under her government rule will prove that morality is such a contentious issue and that one should not simply judge a book by its cover. Estrada with his philandering and Bacchic ways is no less moral than the churh-going Arroyo.

The Estrada conviction is hollow victory for the Philippine justice system. They caught a "big fish" but it was a fish that has been out of the water for so long. He no longer wields the same charisma and political clout as before. Compared to the current president, Estrada is no doubt more popular, but in terms of political strings and connections, he does not have the same network when he was still the one in power. In politics, the adage "friends in need, are friends indeed" holds true. Estrada had numerous political friends before as his was the figurative ass that needed kissing, but now that this very same bottom was literaly kicked out of power, his so-called friends have dissipated one by one.

*********************************************

Lately, after much reading, hearing and watching about the merits of the plunder case against Estrada, I came to realize that the 3 justices of the Sandiganbayan maybe truthful and impartial after all. Judging from the contents of their decision, it seems to me that the justices did base their final ruling on the dry facts of the case alone. Accordingly, they convicted Estrada based on the P189 million kickback he received from the purchase of Belle Corp. shares by the Social Security System and the Government Service Insurance System. They deemed this piece of evidence as irrefutable, incontrovertible fact as this was a matter of Estrada's word against the SSS and GSIS officials who bravely testified that the former did receive kickback and ordered the transaction. The justices also contend that Erap and Jose Velarde are one and the same after hearing Clarissa Ocampo's testimony that she saw Estrada signing bank documents in such a signature. If we only had a person of Ocampo's stature and credibility to testify against who real Jose Pidal is, then maybe we could know the truth and convict him as well. They also found him guilty as the chief supporter and instigator of jueteng operations in the country, discounting even the allegations of Chavit Singson, a close jueteng lord accomplice, that Erap received P140 million bribe from him. Given all these arguments, the special courts seemingly displayed honesty and integrity in their landmark court ruling. They kept the promises they made when they swore to be the just arbiters of the law.

Justice was after all served. I just wish it could be served to all.

Longing for a Place called Home

2007-09-05T01:55:00.000-07:00

"Only when they have changed in our very blood, into glance and gesture, and are nameless, no longer to be distinguished from ourselves—only then can it happen that in some very rare hour the first word of a poem arises in their midst and goes forth from them."---Rainer Maria Rilke

My recent birthday celebration had me thinking. What have I done so far for the past 28 years in this planet? Aside from mothering a lovable two-year old free-spirited child, what other significant contributions have I accomplished? Well, I earned my Bachelors degree at a reasonably prestigious university, worked for the government and been in various non-gratifying dead-end jobs, and well...that is all really. (I forget to mention finding a man who vowed to be my partner for life as I attribute that success in my emotional life mostly to him and not to me.) I am 28 years old and my friends keep on teasing that a couple of years from now my my age will no longer be contained in annual calenders, yet I haven't accomplished anything. I've had two failed attempts at getting a Master's degree and will most probably try my luck again at the start of this year. Considered as a sort of intellectual during my college years, I seem to have lost the passion for knowledge. My contemporaries have or are currently in the process of earning their higher education and yet I am here stuck in some brainless and thankless job, calling people who are not particularly overjoyed to hear my voice on a regular basis. The idealism, my heady days of intellectual pursuit, are all but memories of a quickly fading past. I long for the "old" me. Now that I am practically an "old adult" on the brim of becoming a young thirty-something person, I suddenly have this inexplainable longing for my past. A past that I never really enjoyed, but now desperately want to go back to.

Extending way way beyond my college days, my mind keeps flashing back with the memories of my long-forgotten childhood. Most probably because as I presently write this I can vivdly envision my grandfather or my "Tatay" as I fondly called him idly whiling away time on his deathbed in a rural place called Caranas in my province of Iloilo. He is dying and everybody knows it, but we cannot do anything about it. He has reached his golden years, now more than 80 years of age, he has probably outlived most of his peers. My grandfather's sister, my grandma lovingly called "Lola Ika", who is a couple of years older than him is fast approaching her 90's. Nobody knows her exact age now as her immediate relatives cannot find a copy of an existing birth certificate. They both lived full lives in their youth and sired sons and daughters way beyond the normally accepted ratio these days.

I miss them both. I miss the days when they were still strong, could talk coherently, chastised and even perhaps spanked me for my childhood misbeheaving days. I visited my lolo, my Tatay, last May and saw him peacefully sleeping in a fetal position. Legs crumpled and bent, his muscles are slowly defeating him and refusing to recognize simple voluntary movements ordered by his brain. He has difficulty sitting up these days and can no longer stand on his own. He munches his food loudly with his toothless gums and has to spoon-fed like a child. Indeed, that is where we will all go back to. In old age just like in our infancy, we return to our needy state. Days when we were simply helpless, defenseless and completely dependent to external care from our loved ones. After being independent for a such a long time, it might either be a relief or a pure frustration to suddenly go back to being dependent again.

I wanted to cry at that moment. But I held my ground and refused to shed the tears as there was nothing to regret about his life. He spent it wisely, lavished his family and friends with time during his younger years. And yet, I feel like crying, invisible tears are flowing down my face as I cry for those years I did not spend with him. Where was I when there was still strength left in his body, when there was still memory and sense in his mind? I was preoccupied with myself then. I indulged in sensory and intellectual pleasures all meant to discover the real me that I was trying to form. In those years I centered on myself, I lost him, I lost my patient grandfather who took care of me in my youth. The one who said, "Choose which chicken you like and I will kill it and serve it up as your dinner." The one who let me roam around to catch piglets and goats running inside our backyard. The one who provided me during my childhood a place called home. The only place I would ever call home. It is still exists in the corners of my mind, that wonderful place where I felt loved, protected and experienced total bliss. And as long as I am alive it will always be there. My grandfather, the physical house itself, may soon pass but as long as I keep on breathing, its memory will forever be true, pulsing with life, eternal, fresh and vibrant, just like when I was a child.

Ugly (Funny) Politics

2007-09-02T22:25:00.000-07:00

A joke I got from PDI which best describes how ugly our Philippine bureaucracy works. I can't stop myself from laughing when I should be crying all along because sadly, this is really how our government conducts business. We are not Asia's most corrupt country for nothing! Here goes the joke.

Three contractors were asked for their fees to repair a White House gate.
American contractor: I’ll charge $900 -- $500 for labor, $300 for materials and $100 for me.
Mexican: I’ll charge $700 -- $400 for labor, $200 for materials and $100 for me.
Filipino: I’ll charge $2,700.
White House official: Why so expensive?
Filipino: $1,000 for me, $1,000 for you, and $700 for the Mexican to do the job.
Guess who got the contract.

Birthday at the Office

2007-08-30T01:24:00.000-07:00

I celebrated my birthday at the office! It's almost a year now since I first came here...To all of my officemates who greeted and "partied" with me, my sincerest thanks! (Looks like they had more fun than I did!)

Looked outside the office window, it is raining again! It always rain on my brithday! :)

Mood: Happy-bee!

Happy Birthday to Me!

2007-08-29T02:08:00.000-07:00

(With my friendly officemate named Kattu, left side)

In a rare unguarded moment, the camera finally catches me smiling a wide happy grin. I will be celebrating my 28th bithday tomorrow! May my days be filled with moments like these--days full of laughter and good cheers!

Happy birthday to me!

Blood Moon Rising

2007-08-28T22:45:00.000-07:00

The blood moon rose over the Philippines last night. I wasn't able to catch it as the Manila sky was overcast. Glimpses of it appeared in the southern portion of the country though. Accordingly, the moon turns bloody red when it aligns with the Earth and the sun, a rare occurrence as the moon usually passes above or below the imaginary line connecting the earth and the sun. In fact, it was the first central total eclipse in seven years, as reported by the Discovery Channel.

I wonder what this rising blood moon will bring me.

Things always happen for a reason. There is no such thing as an accident. The entire universe's action is planned, purposeful. There is no random action, no meaningless motion. The earth, the moon and the sun's graceful and eternal movement are all timed by the One who guides us all. There is always a rhyme and reason for everything.

The Sad Face of Poverty

2007-08-27T23:55:00.000-07:00

(Note: Prompted by the degrading remarks issued by one Malu Fernandez to the OFW's in Dubai, I ask myself the hard question, "Am I 'matapobre' just like her? Am I doing something for the poor or just turning a blind eye to the sad faces I see everyday?")

Poverty is such a controversial topic for me. I feel obliged to help the poor and cannot turn down offers to buy a garland of sampaguita from occasional beggar child/woman peddlers. I am moved to help, to actually do something concrete like help build a home for the Gawad Kalinga program, but just like the rest, am immobilized by the immensity of the task and end up doing nothing apart from watching all of those pro-poor programs granting them wishes that could turn their lives over. I am moved to tears each time I watch those TV networks giants provide their heart's content like the proverbial genie in a bottle. In the back of my head, I silently say to myself that I am doing my part by keeping the ratings up of those programs, and sitting comfortably in my chair smugly think that I have acted my part. Just like the rest of us, I am apathetic to the plight of our country's poorest of the poor. I wish I could do something but in actuality do nothing, apart from recognizing the situation and fruitlessly hoping it will go away in a couple of years time.

Meanwhile, I see poverty on a daily basis. I recognize it in the face of the hunchbacked old man I regularly sight on our streets pushing his cart full of potted flowers and plants. He navigates our streets by beating his old body to shove his heavy wooden cart unmindful of the harsh elements throughout the day. Each time I see him I am reminded of the old poem from highschool which I was forced to memorized, "stolid and stunned, a brother to the ox?, Who loosened and let down this brutal jaw?". (The snippet of the poem, you can read below.) To be a man and yet to live like a beast, this man's existence is reduced to a mockery, as he lives way far below the acceptable standard of human life. So I everytime I chance upon him, I offer him a wordless prayer that he may find happiness despite of his current situation. And I am sure somehow he is happy, because everyday he wakes up willing and ready to push and shove his cart in our busy streets, as I catch him steadily peddling his wares on an almost daily basis. To be poor and to be happy, that is the fate of most Filipinos. Remember Sisyphus, the man condemned by the Grecian gods to push his boulder to top of the mountain only to let it go and do it all over again once he reaches the summit? Albert Camus once said that Sisyphus is happy, contented with his senseless fate. If you imagine Sisyphus as happy, it not difficult to imagine the poor being happy.

I want to blame the poor for being poor. Sometimes, instead of feeling remorse and guilt, I feel nothing but hatred for them. I hate them for begging and using my acute sense of pity just so I would part my few inconsequential coins or be moved to buy whatever articles they are selling. I hate them for not being able to take care of themselves, for using their babies or somebody else's baby as a tool for further begging. I hate poverty and everything that it represents. I hate the helplessness of their situation, the mindlessness of it all, the quiet desperation and above all the silent acceptance of their fate. So they say, if you are born poor and die poor then it is your fault. Being born poor is never an excuse to being poor all of your life. Some people remain poor for the mere lack of trying.

I know I run the risk of being called judgmental for saying those things. I maybe scorned and be held in contempt for recklessly voicing my opinions out. But the thing is, I honestly want to do something about the problem of poverty in this country. I want to do my share in alleviating the plight of the poor not just in some fancy conceptual terms but in its actual and real sense. I never want to be 'matapobre.' Quite literally, the word means "eyeing the poor" from the root words mata and pobre. To be 'matapobre' is to judge the poor, to insult and to demean them for being poor. I guess that is the easier path, to simply sit in your lofty pedestal and to judge every single one of them for their erroneous and cheap choices. I will never be 'matapobre' in that sense of the word. I don't want to associate myself with the depravity that is poverty but I don't want to disassociate myself entirely with it either. I want to do my share, I want to help. But perhaps, it can only be done "one person at a time", just like our wise parish priest once said. He explains, "If the task of helping the poor is too great for you, too much for you, then perhaps you should do it one person at a time. Help one person at a time."

BOWED by the weight of centuries he leans
Upon his hoe and gazes on the ground,
The emptiness of ages in his face,
And on his back the burden of the world.
Who made him dead to rapture and despair,
A thing that grieves not, and that never hopes,
Stolid and stunned, a brother to the ox?
Who loosened and let down this brutal jaw?
Whose was the hand that slanted back this brow?
Whose breath blew out the light within this brain?
Is this the Thing the Lord God made and gave
To have dominion over sea and land;
To trace the stars and search the heavens for power;
To feel the passion of eternity?
Is this the dream He dreamed who shaped the suns
And marked their ways upon the ancient deep?
Down all the caverns of Hell to their last gulf
There is no shape more terrible than this--
More tounged with censure of the world's blind greed--
More filled with signs and portents for the soul--
More packed with danger to the universe.

Edwin Markham, The Man With a Hoe

Of Goldfishes, Cats and Memories

2007-08-20T23:02:00.000-07:00

“At the end of the day, it is just less bad than you thought.”

Do you remember the old presumption that goldfishes have split-second memories? Well, it appears that that theory is incorrect. According to the all omniscicient Wikipedia, a research study shows "that goldfish have a memory-span of at least three months and can distinguish between different shapes, colours and sounds." Moreover, the study proves that goldfishes actually remember and recognize their owner's voice and learn to associate food to these humans which normally provide them their nourishment and thus behave in a sort of "begging" manner every time the owners come in proximity. Amazing, huh? Who would have thought that a bubblehead goldfish might have the same behaviorial characteristics akin to our beloved canine friends.

But guess what, if goldfishes apparently have a relatively long-term memory, which animal then has an amnesia-plagued life? You would never have guessed this, but it is our domesticated tabby friend, the cat.

Just recently, a "new study has measured just low long cats can remember certain kinds of information—10 minutes. " So for mere 10 minutes they could retain the memory of what they are doing but beyond that they forget. So if you hit/feed your cat right this moment, chances are, 10 minutes after, you can hit/feed it again and it wont have previous knowledge of your brutality/genorosity.

I wish I were forgetful. So I deliberately erase memories of past hurt, petty crimes and missteps that make me infallibly human. I wish I could undo certain events to make my life look more appealing, prettier and more engaging. I wish I could repaint the canvas and make it look more like a beautiful Renoir and not a dark van Gogh that it is. But memories are tricky by nature, the more you force yourself to forget, the more you actually remember. Like the time I wanted to forget what's-his-face home phone number so I won't feel the urge to suddenly give him a ring in one of my rather desperate moments. So everyday I try to forget, so much so that I could breathe his number in my dreams. Remember the famous line from Michael Ondaatje's lyrical novel that was also released as an Academy award-winning film, "The English Patient", (I read the book and watched the movie) the lead guy uttured, "I will forget about you everyday." Subliminally, what he was saying was that " I will always remember, I will never forget, I will always love you." Oh, for me that was the clincher, the line that made me cry buckets and rivers of tears. In that movie, this dramatic scene was punctuated by a comical relief when the girl inappropriately knocked herself in the head as she was saying her goodbye. I just didn't know what to make of the scene, I was crying and laughing at the same time.

Sometimes, life is just like that. You want to have a picture-perfect Kodak moment but it gives you something else, something regrettably unforgettable. So in the heat of the moment, you yearn to escape from the magnitude of your perceived idiosyncrasy and to forget it all, wash it away from your living memory. But you just can't. You remember. And after some time has passed, you realize it wasn't as bad as you first thought it was. So you laugh at your old silly self and wish to do it all over again ---to relive the moment you actually wanted to forget.

Raining Still

2007-08-17T01:07:00.000-07:00

This is where I want to be at the moment. (Or for that matter, forever and a day, the only place to be.)

But this is where I am at today-- trapped in the eye of the storm. Its been raining unabatedly for almost a week now in the Metro. For three straight days in a row, classes in all levels were suspended. Schoolchildren would have rejoiced in the serendipitous turn of events if only they didn't have their periodical exams schedule. So the school deferment actually means longer study time which makes their instant vacation less appealing.

There's this running joke that the church will now stop praying for the rain to come as their prayers are rather too fervent. We are having three storms alternately. Well, at least we could all be certain that God is really out there listening.

Angel

2007-08-16T19:36:00.000-07:00

I got this photo from this link http://g8.no/index.php. I have no idea who the photoblogger is but his pictures there are all amazing. The first time I looked at this particular photo, I couldn't take my eyes off the little girl. This photo captured her soul and it spoke to me. I fell in love with her instantaneously. The idea that occurred to me at that moment was that if I had a blog I would definitely post her picture there. So I made a blog to honor her picture.

All I know about this angel is that she is Indian. Take note of the wafer bread she is holding, a definite staple in the Indian diet. But whatever dearth of basic information is more than made up by her soulful eyes. Her piercing gaze challenges us to look into her soul, to read and fathom its young life's content. They say that the eyes are windows to our soul and in this specific instance as immortalized by one man's photo, she tells us everything, her sad past, troubled present and uncertain future. She reveals to us all of her unadulterated soul's content.

I maybe have a similar childhood photo nakedly capturing the entirety of my life. That photo is still etched on my mind, in there I was holding my ragtag doll sheepishly looking in the camera that reflected my sad, lucent eyes. And just like this little angel, I was in an identical state of distress, my clothes, hair and appearance sullied by an afternoon's worth of an innocent child's play. My candid pose exposed the essential me. In contrast, my adult photographs never quite illuminate the real me anymore. Mostly, they look back at me with a diffident demure smile which unfortunately obscures the person beneath that unidimensional photo. The real me eludes the camera as my adult brain instructs me how to pose and smile in a manner that does not compromise the hidden me within. And so I am left with tasteless, unflattering photos that may look good on the exterior but soulless and cold in the interior. I know in my heart, I am not that person, but the real me is obscured by the artifical made-up conscious idea of myself. The real me is submerged, it cannot push itself into the light, but I know it is still there.

A Cute Story (and the not so Cute One)

2007-08-15T18:49:00.000-07:00

I just read this from PDI today.

"Iconic Hollywood director Quentin Tarantino was the picture of an amused child after an unusual experience Wednesday -- he had to get off a flood-stuck limousine and ride a pedicab to reach Malacañang and get his lifetime achievement award for film.

The pedicab ride drenched Tarantino’s pants and he had to change into black jogging pants with white trimming for the meeting with Ms Arroyo. He also shed off his sandals -- not allowed, under the Malacañang dress code -- for a pair of ill-fitting shoes that apparently gave him discomfort as he walked.

Over the jogging pants, he wore a barong."

Talk about a 360 degrees turn-around, from a shiny limousine to a lowly but reliable pedicab. That is third world country living for you. Good thing Tarantino has a healthy sense of humor. Otherwise, he would go home to Hollywood with one more horror story to share about some backward country in Southeast Asia.

Remember the Claire Danes incident decades ago, clamors were made for her to be branded as "person non grata". I believe the story went like this, she shot a film in some derelict warehouse in Cavite, which unfortunately was roach-infested and happened to see an amputee bystander watching their shooting. So upon going back to her surreal movie-world, she was quoted by a first-class glossy women's magazine saying as, "I had been to this cockroach-swarmed country which has grotesque people with no limbs." Please take note, that is not the exact quote, just a paraphrasing of the story that I more or less remember. You may opt to Google to get the accurate lines but I guess the crux of the matter remains the same. I recall my college friend laughing her head off as she informed me about the incident. She revealed that one kagawad of theirs told her of a hush-hush Hollywood movie shooting in their area involving Ms. Danes and that this same official actually had one arm amputated. She couldn't contain herself from laughing as she figured that perhaps he was the grotesque person that B-list actress was referring to.

Blessed Dark Clouds

2007-08-14T22:55:00.000-07:00

Oratio Imperata ad Petendam Pluvium (Pleading the High Heavens for Rain)

2007-08-14T02:38:00.000-07:00

15 August 2007

Angry rains are pelting hard in the metropolis this morning. I was lucky enough to hail a cab just before the downpour started. It saved me from one more excuse of arriving late in my humdrum office. Plus, it earned me one free Starbucks coffee from my estranged boss.

Prayers are answered quickly these days. Just yesterday, I noted that Catholic churches are pleading the heavens for rain and now here they come. Robust, they come tumbling down as requested by the faithful ready to replenish the diminishing water supply in the metro. Only problem is, the blessed rain inadvertently brings it with the accursed flood which jams traffic and creates a virtual hell for everyday office goers like me.

So when you wish for something and it is granted, you normally leap for joy and praise the Almighty for being such a good God to you. But somehow, my successful wish doesn't quite give me the satisfaction I'm looking for. In theory, I know that the desired rain will deliver its expected results and save this country from the dry spell it is in. I should be quite contented that it will serve as the stopgap solution to the perennial problem our government seemingly has no means of ending. Regardless though, lives will be lost, counted as mere statistics stripped of its inherent human, emotional value. Aptly, a Russian leader whose names escapes me at the moment thus said, "One death is a tragedy but more than that, it is mere statistics".

Take your pick then, the torrential rain or the parched hungry lands. It shouldn't be that hard.

14 August 2007

If you've heard mass these days, you should be quite familiar with the above mentioned term. Literally, it is a prayer for the rain to come. What is happening to the world? That we have to pray for the rain to come during the rainy season. Maybe I should have watched that sponsored global-warming flick at the MOA and listen to Michael Moore and Al Gore talk about an impending environmental disaster. Maybe it is true, that the end of the world is near. Even the Hindus believe that we are currenly living on the last cycle of the universe.

When I was in grade school, on sixth grade, my classmates and I pledged to meet again at year 2000. That year was the dreaded year back then, the year of the world's end. Seven years later, the end is nowhere near in sight. Yet, we have this. A world at wits end on how to explain sudden extreme weather changes. And no, global-warming doesn't quite fit as an explanation. The word sounds benign, so harmless. Not quite the natural disaster-racked world, this Earth has become. So when we begin to pray for rain and literally plead for the high heavens for it come when its suppose to be superfluous at this point, you suddenly begin to really wonder.

Soon, we should start teaching children to sing their nursery songs like this, "Rain, rain please don't go away..."

My Naughty Two Year Old Named JK

2007-08-14T00:09:00.000-07:00

To the one who made me a mother, who made me realize that there is something more important in this world than "I." Happy 2nd bday my little princess. You are now the center of my universe. I love you. Truly.

Another Lifetime

2007-08-13T23:31:00.000-07:00

My past seems to be hounding me. I keep on stumbling with the people from my past. Those whom I have almost forgotten I have shared a life with. Life has a way of reminding you of what's really important. It keeps on returning to the pages who wish to always remember. Out of blue, an old college friend sends an email reminding me of our treasured dalliance of longtime ago. It just seems another lifetime ago. Suddenly, I remember that I miss her. The past, that was my previous regrettable present, now seems so magical, so alluring that I wish I could go back. Turn back the hands of time to once again feel every inch of pain, discomfort and giddiness of young adulthood. To think that I have always wanted to be in my future, which is now my present. Will I always live my life this? Wanting to live in the future and going back to the past but never ever enjoying the present that is NOW. Ironic is it, that only the now is the true measure of time. The now is the only thing that you can hold, the only time you can accomplish or be anything. I need to appreciate what the NOW represents. I need to live in the now and not in another lifetime.